Thursday, February 10, 2011

Unlikely Ownership Candidate Of The Day: Justin Bieber

  • Screaming teenage girls would make it impossible for players to hear the fans booing them
  • Having another Canadian around might be a morale booster for Jason Bay
  • There would be one less lonely girl
  • More games would sell out, granted many of the tickets would be sold to people who have never heard of baseball
  • Just think of the elaborate dance routine Reyes and Bieber could come up with
  • Would annoy players by constantly telling them about how he played hurt that time he broke his foot on stage
  • All games would start no later than 5PM so as not to conflict with his bed time
  • Use of the word "shawty" in and around Citi Field would increase by 5000%
  • Three words: Mandatory Team Haircut
All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Follow me on Twitter @readtheapple

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