Sunday, February 6, 2011

Special Report: Spousal Abuse Rises 50% During The Puppy Bowl

By now you have probably heard the old urban legend that abuse against women goes up dramatically during Super Bowl Sunday.  The "report" which ended up being false was so popular that NBC once aired an anti-domestic violence PSA before the Super Bowl to remind men that domestic violence is a crime.

But perhaps the worst part of this rumor is that it has taken attention away from a real problem in America; the epidemic of spousal abuse during the Puppy Bowl.  Reports show that incidents of abuse rise by at least 50% during Animal Planet's yearly canine football game.

Unlike the false Super Bowl rumor, women aren't the only victims.  As many as 45% of the victims are men.  "My wife was rooting for the Yorkies and I was rooting for the German Shepherds.", says one man who we will call John. "The Yorkies fumbled and I started cheering.  My wife started beating me with the remote and I woke up in the hospital."

The Apple wants to remind you boys and girls that will be enjoying tonight's Puppy Bowl that it is only a game.  If you find yourself getting upset just excuse yourself and go punch a pillow and not your partner.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Follow me on Twitter @readtheapple

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