Monday, April 23, 2012

Would Ridiculous Facial Hair Work For Other Mets Like It Did For Dillon Gee? Lets Find Out...

When Dillon Gee showed up to Spring Training this year with a small woodland creature on his chin, many fans and teammates laughed.  After his hot start on the mound though no one is laughing anymore. But is there any direct correlation between the new beard and the improved pitching? Does it matter?  Of course it doesn't matter, this is New York, where logic and reason have no place in sports discussion.  So with that being said I pose the question, would other Mets players be improved with ridiculous facial hair?  Lets take a look.

Ruben Tejada - The Danny Trejo
Ruben Tejada has been playing like an absolute badass the first two weeks of the season. Therefore, he deserves the mustache of a certified badass, Machete himself, Danny Trejo.

Added bonus: it helps him not look 12 years old anymore.

Lucas Duda - The Dude
 I'm pretty sure Lucas could grow a Jeff Bridges goatee with little effort, but in order to truly pull this off he would have to carry a White Russian around with him at all times and I'm not sure how the MLB would feel about that.  

Added bonus: It really does tie his face together.

Daniel Murphy - The Leprechaun
OK, OK we get it he's!

David Wright - The Magnum
David Wright is often referred to by many Mets fans as the captain of the team.  A captain needs a no nonsense mustache that lets you know he means business but is not afraid to party as well.  The Magnum P.I. fills both needs. 

Added Bonus: Mustache comes with a Ferrari 308 GTS

Terry Collins - Whatever this is
 The Manager of a ball club must be a figure whose leadership is unquestionable and no one is going to second guess a man who looks like this. They may not talk to him, they may cross the street when they see him coming but they certainly will not question him because when a guy with a beard like this tells you to bunt, you just do it. Period. 

Added bonus: Would frighten off remaining wild dogs around Citi Field.

Kevin Burkhardt - The Joaquin Phoenix
Great beards can extend beyond the playing field as is the case with this look for Kevin Burkhardt.  Unruly fans looking to bother the SNY reporter will think twice now as this beard says, "I may be conducting an interview here, but I will stab you if I have to."  

Added Bonus: Keith Hernandez will constantly mistake him for "that guy from the Hangover" for at least half of the season.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Follow me on Twitter @readtheapple.

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