Friday, September 30, 2011

Hey Atlanta, At Least The Braves Are Now The #1 Team In Nicaragua

Made with love for my friends over at Talking Chop.  I wish I could say I didn't know what it was like to have the team you love choke away a huge September lead.  Welcome to the club.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Terry Collins To New York Media: See You Next Year A**holes

The Apple's 2011 Mets Year In Review

Thank you to all the readers, contributors, Facebook friends, Twitter follower, fellow bloggers and everyone else who helped make the 2011 season such a fun one.  You guys are the best.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Congratulations To Jose Reyes: 2011 NL Batting Champ

Having Been Down This Road Before, I Fear The Next Time We See Reyes It Might Go Something Like This

Mets Quiet Hero Marches Towards Date With Destiny

As the season comes to a close this afternoon at Citi Field, all eyes will be on Mets shortstop Jose Reyes and his pursuit of the NL batting title. But quietly, behind the scenes, another member of the Mets family is chasing history and if he can make it through Wednesday's broadcast without snapping at an idiot fan, SNY's Kevin Burkhardt will break a record that has stood for over forty years.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Note To Fathers Everywhere: If You're Gonna Drop Your Child To Go After A Foul Ball, At Least Catch It...

...this way you at least have a souvenir of the exact moment your marriage ended.  I don't think she's buying your whole "It was coming right at her so I had to drop her for own safety" story.



Angel "Crazy Horse" Pagan

"Judging by these tracks in the dirt, I would say second base is 85 feet north west of here.  But I must make my move soon, for the winds have changed and I fear a great rain is upon us which would make the journey... Oh crap I just got picked off."

The Last Page Of Your Ticket Book Is Definitive Proof That The Mets Had No Intentions Of Making The Playoffs This Year...

...or at least proof that 81 is an odd number. 

Slogan Search 2012

Back when I thought this blog would last about two months I came up with the slogan above.  As far as slogans go, it's served me well for the past two seasons but I was thinking of a fresh start for 2012.  I clearly lack the concentration and/or the ability to come up with a slogan for the site otherwise I would have done it already.  This is where you come in.  Do you have an idea for a slogan for The Apple?  Leave it in the comments section. Send it to my email. Tweet it to me or leave a comment on my Facebook page.  If I choose your slogan as the new official slogan you will win some kind of prize.  It won't be a very good prize but it will be a prize.

Monday, September 26, 2011

10 Warning Signs You Are Watching A Bootlegged Copy Of Moneyball

This weekend I took in a screening of Moneyball.  While the film received positive reviews from any reviewer not named Art Howe, I found the whole thing confusing.  Some scenes seemed completely out of context and there were many strange editing and wardrobe choices. It was almost as if it had been pieced together with scenes from other movies. I found the movie to be so unwatchable that I stopped my DVD player and went onto the internet to do some research.

After some investigation, I concluded that I was watching a bootlegged version of the film from Japan.  I decided to shut off the TV and go see the film in an actual theater.  Turns out it was a very entertaining film and much better than the version I was watching.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

It's Always Funny In Philadelphia

Via New York Giant Justin Tuck's twitter feed after the Giants victory in Philadelphia:
To paraphrase the Simpsons, it sounds like Philly has a discipline problem.  Maybe that's why we beat them in baseball nearly half the time.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

All The News That's Fit To Print...And Occasionally The Ramblings Of A Jackass

I don't know if the Mets are listening but the New York Times is.  For whatever reason, the Times saw fit to print some of my ideas for Citi Field in this Saturday's paper.  I only find this odd because they never printed the ten page letter I sent them a while back about why Zooey Deschanel should go out with me.

While I'm not sure if getting my blog mentioned in the paper is much better than when mom and dad would put my drawings on the fridge, I guess this is still pretty cool and I'm honored. 

Thanks to Justin & Joe at the NY Times for making this happen.  Tomorrow, it's back to nonsense for me. 

Friday, September 23, 2011

Link: The Apple Makes A Guest Appearance On The New York Times Baseball Blog

Bats: The New York Times baseball blog asked for ideas for Citi Field changes.  My ideas were featured but there are also lots of other good and humorous ideas for the park shown. Check it out here.

Parnell Admits He Has No Shot At Catching Mariano

The other day Yankees closer Mariano Rivera notched his 602nd career save making him the All Time saves leader in major league baseball.  You've probably heard about this? While many describe Rivera's achievement as inspirational, at least one Mets player felt the opposite effect. Once Mo pushed over the 600 saves mark it became clear to Mets "closer" Bobby Parnell that he would never attain those heights.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Celebrate The Underdog Yankees Miracle Run To The Post Season With The Official T-Shirt

Yesterday the Yankees completed the first leg of their miracle run and clinched a spot in the post-season.  Closer Mariano Rivera was so overcome with emotion that he told reporters, "No one gave us a shot."  Now starting today at Modell's, join Major League Baseball in celebrating the team that no one believed in with the official t-shirt.  Buy one or buy two hundred million but get them fast because at $39.99 these shirts are priced to move.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Citi Field Fence Redux

Given all the talk of Citi Field's dimensions that has sprung up, I thought it might me a good idea to re-post all my earlier fence ideas in one spot. I'm somewhat neutral on the whole moving the fences in so I tried to make my suggestions purely on added aesthetic value.  Here we go:

The "Great Wall Of Flushing":
While I don't really advocate adding seating in LF, here is one possible option.  The logistics of getting those people in or out of that new section are beyond me. This is actually a second draft as I tried to make it more realistic as per some issues that were brought up after the first draft.

You may notice in this version the seats in this section are now barstool seats modeled after Fenway's first row of monster seats.  The seating ends just before the hanger door so that it can still function.  This also leaves outfielders a nice amount of space in the Left Center Field gap where they can take an unobstructed shot at bringing back a homer.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I Think Sony Pictures May Be Going A Bit Too Far With Their Efforts To Market Moneyball To Women


Link: Tyranny Of Tradition Lists Some Promotions That Might Actually Get People Out To Citi Field In September

With just one final home stand left in another disappointing Mets season, the folks in the team's marketing department must be scratching their heads trying to figure out ways to get people to come to Citi Field.  Luckily for them, Keith Spillett over at Tyranny Of Tradition has figured out some interesting promotions that might do the trick.  My favorite? Ruben Tejada fights a bear day.  Read them all here.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Is Major League Baseball Just Gonna Let R.A. Dickey Choke Out Whoever He Wants?

Larry Smith Sneaks A Peek At Sandy Alderson's To-Do List

A few weeks ago your intrepid correspondent got himself his first ever smartphone.  The one I replaced was so old that it had a crank on the side and connected to a party line (too bad you have to be my age in order to appreciate that joke).

Anyway these new fangled phones even have cameras in them.  Did anyone else know that?

Friday, September 16, 2011

If The Mets Can "Mail One In" So Can I

Intro to story...blah blah blah.

Main body of the story...yadda yadda yadda.

"Fake quote from Mets player or executive"

One last punchline to wrap up story and punctuate joke.  Whoopedy doo!

 
Disclaimer blibbedy bloo blah, follow me on twitter @readtheapple

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Terry Collins Goes All "Colactus" During Post-Game Interview

So The Mets Are Letting Craig Carton Into Citi Field Today? I Think We All Know How This Ends...

Mets Kick Off 2011 Elimination Celebration


Light up your cigarette Barney.  Go ahead and toss that hat Stewie. The mathematically viable portion of the Mets 2011 season is now officially a memory and as usual the Mets are going out in style.  The team kicked off their annual Elimination Celebration '11 last night following their loss to the Washington Nationals.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Jose Reyes Is A Volcano Taco, Ruben Tejada is Lava Sauce & Other Things I've Learned From Ted Berg

Are you like me? Have you always wondered what item on the Taco Bell menu is most comparable to Jose Reyes?  Of course you have.  Thankfully, SNY's Ted Berg took some time to answer my question on The Baseball Show this week.  Ted solves the Reyes/Taco mystery at the 1:29 mark below:




Now I know what you're thinking, is this the beginning of an SNY/The Apple comedy team. The answer is no. SNY is still refusing to hire me. They say it's mostly because it would violate the restraining order Ted Berg filed against me.

Mets Star Wars Night Marred By Violence / Hooliganism

It was supposed to be a night of fun to promote the release of the Star Wars Blu Ray set and raise some money for a great cause, but last nights Star Wars night promotion at Citi Field ended up being far more trouble than stadium security could handle.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

A Long Time Ago At A Ballpark Not That Far Away...

MLB Denies Mets Request To Digitally Insert Hayden Christensen Into Dugout On Star Wars Night

The Mets just can't catch a break these days.  Just one day after losing their appeal to wear first responder hats on Sunday, the Mets find themselves once again on the losing end of the appeals process.  The issue this time?  Using technology to digitally insert Hayden Christensen into their dugout on Star Wars night.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Major League Baseball & New Era Well Prepared For Future Disasters

I really thought we were done with the hat issue.  For better or worse, Major League Baseball made a choice based on their rules and we had to accept it.  But then we got this from ESPN's Buster Olney via Twitter:

Fight The Real Enemy

I kid of course and considering everything else that went on yesterday, hats are a tiny issue. With that said, if the players really wanted to wear first responder hats as they said they did then Joe Torre and the MLB should have just let them wear the hats.  And with that we move on.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Mets Players Protest 8PM Sunday Start Time

In a surprising show of unity every Mets player (and God knows how many there are at this point with the expanded rosters) signed a letter they have sent off to the front offices of the Mets, Cubs, and to Commissioner Bud Selig.

Here are excerpts from that letter:

Friday, September 9, 2011

The Apple Achieves Minor Internet Accomplisment, Immediately Over-Celebrates

They said I was crazy when I had these shirts made.  Well who's crazy now?  1,000 Twitter followers!!!  Of course when you subtract spammers it's more like 600 but let's party anyway!

Great Moments In Bad Timing History: Anthrax Day

Hey Yankees PR Department, with the city under high alert for terrorist activity, maybe it's not the best time for "Anthrax Day"?

Robotic Exoskeleton Allows Horwitz To Return To Work With Mets

As reported yesterday, Mets PR Director Jay Horwitz was forced to miss his first game since 1990 when he broke his ankle walking to work.  Fortunately, thanks to modern technology, Horwitz will be right back at Citi Field when the Mets battle the Cubs this evening.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Catch The Mets, Cubs & Tennis This Weekend In Flushing

Our ticketing partners over at TiqIQ sent us this image featuring the Mets v. Cubs series the US Open and how much it would cost to spend a day in Flushing for both events. It shows the average price for each event along with the total cost for each day. 
 
The men's final is on Sunday, which is why it's so expensive.  Saturday is the women's final, and the Friday session is the men's doubles finals and women's semis.  With a total cost of 50% less than Sunday, Saturday offers fans the best overall deal.
 
Of course, given all these rain delays all of that is subject to change so you may want to double check before ordering any tickets.  
To get more info or order tickets CLICK HERE

Alderson Not Ruling Out Sedgwick As Possible Mets "Closer"

Judging by rumblings coming from inside the Mets organization, two things that have apparently become abundantly clear to both the team's fans and front office:

1) Bobby Parnell throws the ball hard
2) Bobby Parnell probably lacks the control, mental toughness, and other skills necessary to be "The Closer"

But his replacement may come from an unusual source. The Apple has learned that GM Sandy Alderson has sent feelers out to the agent of actress Kyra Sedgwick.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Apple Says Goodbye To That Stadium The Marlins Play In. What's It Called Again?

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Follow me on Twitter @readtheapple.

Larry Smith's Extra Innings Mets Musings

12-inning rain-delayed games like last night's Mets game have a way of making people snap.  Obviously, Larry Smith is one of those people because late last night during extra innings, Larry started firing thoughts at my inbox.  Here are the ones that were safe for publishing:

We know that many relief pitchers alternate good years with bad years.  It seems that Angel Pagan has fallen into the pattern of alternating dumb years with smart years.

2012's big baseball book/movie combo will be called:   MONEYLESSBALL:  How Fred Was Wilponzi'd

Bobby Parnell is being given chances to blow saves here in September so that he'll be fully prepared to blow saves for real next April.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Time For Another Episode Of "Fun With Real Kevin Burkhardt Tweets"

If Kevin is going to tweet about his morning jog on the beach:
Then I am obligated to post a picture of his post-run frolic with Apollo Creed:

Monday, September 5, 2011

The Duda

Original idea? Hardly. Horrifying? Absolutely!

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