Friday, September 9, 2011

Robotic Exoskeleton Allows Horwitz To Return To Work With Mets

As reported yesterday, Mets PR Director Jay Horwitz was forced to miss his first game since 1990 when he broke his ankle walking to work.  Fortunately, thanks to modern technology, Horwitz will be right back at Citi Field when the Mets battle the Cubs this evening.

Thanks to a generous donation by the Weyland-Yutani Corporation, the Mets PR director will be able to attend games while his ankle heals thanks to the use of a powerful robotic exoskeleton.  The robot allows Horwitz to walk around freely though he will be restricted to the fan areas in center field as he doesn't fit anywhere else.

Mets VP of Security, Robert Kasdon, says Horwitz's new body actually gives the Mets an added security presence as well.  "He'll be able to patrol that area out there and put a stop to any shenanigans pretty quick in that thing.", says Kasdon.  "Also if things get really bad, he has the capability to take off and nuke the whole site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Follow me on Twitter @readtheapple.

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