Saturday, September 3, 2011

Disagreement Over Urinal Dividers Sunk Wilpon/Einhorn Deal

The news has been full of speculation on just why the Wilpon-Einhorn ownership deal fell apart.  Some sources report that Wilpon had been dealing behind Einhorn's back.  Other sources say Mets ownership was fed up with Einhorn's attempts to wrestle away majority control.  The Apple has spent the last 24 hours investigating the break-up and what we ended up finding out was shocking.  In the end, it was urinals that sunk the deal.

An aide to David Einhorn tells The Apple that Einhorn was adamant about the inclusion of urinal dividers in any deal that would make him a minority partner.  "Mr. Einhorn felt that the fans need to be happy and comfortable if the organization is to be successful.", said Einhorn's aide. "If the fans are constantly wondering who's staring at their junk they will never truly embrace the stadium and the team.  It's a proven fact."

Apparently, the Wilpons did not agree.  "We painted the orange line on the wall and we consider it done.", explains VP Dave Howard. "At this point, Mr. Wilpon does not see the point in investing another dollar in creature comforts when that money could be used to pay down I mean improve the team."

While both sides tell different sides of the story, one thing remains clear.  Mets fans should get used to seeing no new players and a lot of each others penises for the time being.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Follow me on Twitter @readtheapple.

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