10. Mets pitchers will no longer work on pitch counts. Jerry Manuel however will now be on a Pitcher count.
9 . In hopes of removing the negative stigma of the last few years, the Wilpons are looking into re-naming the Mets the New York Jackie Robinsons.
8. The Pre-game locker room shake shack buffet will be removed due to a certain relief pitchers bathroom issues.
7. Going forward, any future Mets coaches must have real names. No more Razors and Chips, but good old fashioned American names like Mike and John.
6. Mike Pelfrey will now make mound visits to lick other pitcher’s hands.
5. Keith Hernandez will now be allowed to stumble down to the dugout in the late innings and drunkenly berate the team.
4. The Derek Jeter Ford Edge commercial will now play 25% less on SNY. It will now be limited to 149 airings per game.
3. The walls at Citi Field will be raised an additional 25 feet . Ownership felt that since the Mets aren’t going to hit homers, no one else should be able to either.
2. Ollie Perez will be dropped from the team health insurance plan contingent on whether the Mets can prove that “sucking” is a pre-existing condition.
1. The Mets will introduce yet another alternate jersey in June. On this jersey, the Mets logo will be replaced with…
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Well done sir!
ReplyDeleteAwesome.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I do believe that sucking is a pre-existing condition, especially for Perez.
Oh and all the SNY announcers will take over the managerial jobs.
ReplyDeleteKeith will be the new hitting coach
Ron Darling the new pitching coach
Kevin Burkhardt is our GM
Gary Cohen will be our new head coach
oh and Ralph Kiner is the new batboy
the bad news bears jersey is ingenious!
ReplyDeletethat 2006 allstar picture kills me.
ReplyDelete@Phlavio Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.
ReplyDelete@Krumbled We can only hope. Thanks for reading.
ReplyDelete@Travis LOL good one. I had a bunch that got cut for space. I might have to do a directors cut:)
ReplyDelete@Alan Thanks. It is my second Chico's Bail Bond Reference in less than a week. I was afraid I was running it into the ground but I did it anyway.
ReplyDelete@Matt That was a last minute addition. I was going to add the Chico's logo to a Mets jersey and then stumbled on those hideous things just dying to be spoofed.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the Mets ought to consider adding Tatum O'Neil (aka Amanda) to the starting rotation. She definitely had better control over her breaking stuff than Ollie.
ReplyDeleteNot only is sucking a pre-existing condition, but it is apparently very contagious.
ReplyDelete