Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I Believe In Matt Harvey

Hopefully, no one will throw acid at him.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Welcome Back, Baxter!

"Where Is Captain Shorts?" Photoshop Contest: The First Sightings Are In

The first round of submissions in the "Where is Captain Shorts?" Photoshop Contest are in and it seems more than a couple of you have found the Captain in a galaxy far far away. There's still plenty of time to submit your own entry so click here for the rules and get cracking. You could win a copy of the Mets first no-hitter on DVD.

Here's some of the early entries:
Ryan J. quite logically found the Captain on Vulcan

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Where Is Captain Shorts Photoshop Contest: Help Find The Captain And Win A Cool Mets Prize

Captain Shorts is missing and The Apple needs your help to find him.  To sweeten the deal, I've got 5 copies of A+E Home Entertainment & MLB Productions DVD of Johan Santana's No-Hitter to give away. 

Who Is Captain Shorts?
If you follow The Apple on Twitter or Facebook then you already know about Captain Shorts but for the uninitiated I'll catch you up quickly. Captain Shorts is a mysterious and powerful figure whose power is only exceeded by his mystery. Additionally, his mystery is only exceeded by his power. The Captain motivates the Mets to play their hardest at home and rewards them with a hearty high five afterwards.

Friday, July 27, 2012

R.I.P. Joe Pizzurro

Joe Pizzurro with daughter Kady Shea
Many of you most likely had never met web designer Joe Pizzurro, but odds are you were familiar with his work. Joe designed or helped design many of your favorite Mets related web sites such as Metsblog, On The Black, The 7 Line and even the website for Strawberry's Grill. He would sometimes provide his services for little more than some Mets tickets.

When I was looking to upgrade the look of The Apple in 2011, Joe was one of the first people to contact me with suggestions and ideas. His input directly influenced the look of this site and countless others. Joe was a talented web designer and a great Mets fan, which makes his recent passing at the young age of 28 such a heartbreaking tragedy for so many in the Mets online community.

Compounding this tragedy is the fact that Joe and his wife Kelly had just welcomed a baby girl into the world only 6 weeks earlier. A donation website has been set up to benefit baby Kady Shea Pizzurro.

From that site:
Joe became a father just 6 weeks prior with many of the same family and friends celebrating with him by his wife, Kelly's, bedside. With Joe's passing, we are uniting to help raise money to ensure that his beautiful baby girl, Kady Shea, will still have the life that Joe and Kelly were working so hard to provide. Thanks in advance for your kind contribution!
If you can, please consider making even a small donation by CLICKING HERE. 

Thank you, Joe. Rest In Peace.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Demoted Mets RF Lucas Duda Has On-Field Meltdown In Louisville

LOUISVILLE, KY - Fans settling in for the start of tonight's Bisons/Bats game at Louisville Slugger Stadium were stunned when a strange man wandered out onto the field before the first pitch with a microphone in his hand and announced "Behold, the instrument of your liberation!". Fortunately, no one panicked as fans quickly realized it was just Lucas Duda having a meltdown. 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Lil Murph's Diary: The Dark Murph Rises

Dear Diary,

I guess I should title this entry: "I'm good but we suck."

It was a horrible weekend for our Metsies as we managed to lose all three games to the Dodgers.  It's almost like every team has returned from the All Star break except us.

But for me personally I'm on a tear.  The ball looks grapefruit sized again (thank goodness) and I had a heckuva series vs LA except for one error I made.  I had four hits on Friday and another four on Sunday.  On Saturday I didn't start vs the lefty Capuano who I think was on our team last year but that was so long ago.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Mets As Star Wars Characters Part 5: Because Ruben Tejada Always Plays The Woman

If you're a regular reader of The Apple you already know that whenever a spoof photo requires a female character the job goes to the "prettiest" Mets player.  For the foreseeable future, the title of prettiest Met goes to Ruben Tejada. So here you go Mets fans...Happy nightmares!

Princess Ruben: I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee. 

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Mets As Star Wars Characters Part 4: Return Of The Jedi

Were 48 hours away from  Mets Star Wars Night to benefit SU2C. Today the Jedi return with 3 of your favorite Mets.  As an added bonus I've even thrown in a protocol droid. May the force be with you Mets fans.
Joda: Strike you out I will

Friday, July 20, 2012

Mets As Star Wars Characters Part 3: Revenge Of The Sith

Mets Star Wars Night to benefit SU2C is so close you might mistake it for a small moon.  In today's installment lets give the Empire their due. Here's 3 Mets who have turned to the dark side of the force.  Enjoy!
Darth Dickey: Dark Lord of the knuckleball

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Mets As Star Wars Characters: Part 2

Mets Star Wars Night to benefit SU2C is only a few days away.  Even better, the Mets were able to salvage the finale in Washington. To celebrate, here are three more of your favorite Mets players as Star Wars characters. Enjoy!
Kirk Skywalker: Red 9 Standing By

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Mets As Star Wars Characters: Part 1

Mets Star Wars Night to benefit SU2C is this coming Monday.  To get you in the spirit (and mostly to get my mind off of the fact that the Mets haven't won a game since the All-Star break) I've fired up Photoshop and am giving you a glimpse at what certain Mets players would look like if they existed in a galaxy far far away. Enjoy!

Friday, July 13, 2012

Lil' Murph's Diary: Murph Goes To The All-Star Game

Dear Diary,

Bet you can't guess where I'm writing you from?  Believe it or not I'm on a bus that will take me from Kansas City (the one in Missouri not the one in some other state) to Atlanta.

You might wonder what I was doing in KC (as the locals call it).  Well I kinda thought I had made the All Star team and flew out here for the big event.  Maybe I should have known something was up when our travel guy didn't supply me with a ticket but rather I had to buy it for myself.  Even using Priceline it cost me a pretty penny.  You hearing that, Mr. Shatner????

Kevin Burkhardt Returns To Mets Broadcast After Taking Time Off To Film Zoolander 2

As many of you have noticed, everyone's favorite Mets roving reporter has been missing in action for the past week, replaced by some guy named Eamon Shumpert or something like that.  Well have no fear Mets fans, Kevin Burkhardt has indeed confirmed that he will be back with the SNY team tonight in Atlanta.  But where was he and what was he doing this past week?  The Apple has the exclusive answers.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Mets General Manager Uses All Star Break To Have His Endoskeleton Refurbished

Many major leaguers use baseball's All-Star break as an opportunity to rest and get ready for the stretch run. For Mets general manager Sandy Alderson the break is a chance to recharge his batteries...literally.  While the game was being played in Kansas City, Alderson was at Cyberdyne Systems in Sunnyvale, CA having his endoskeleton oiled and polished, and his hydrogen fuel cells recharged. 

Captain Shorts Wants To Save You Some Money

Captain Shorts knows he needs to look his best when he's high fiving the Mets after a big win. The good captain also knows a good deal when he sees one and that's why he's sharing this discount code with you.

For a limited time, use the discount code CAPTAINSHORTS at www.the7line.com and get 10% off your entire order. Because the captain knows looking good shouldn't have to cost a fortune. So head over to The 7 Line now and save some cash. Make sure to tell them Captain Shorts sent you!

Mets GM Alderson Issues Bizarre Organizational Mandates For Second Half

The following letter has been found in the home clubhouses of all the NY Mets' minor league teams.

ORGANIZATIONAL MANDATES   -  effective JULY 12th, 2012

Hitters -

Please be advised that due to the big league's team lack of righthanded hitting we are putting a moratorium on batting lefthanded.

All lefthanded batters will cease batting lefty (an exception being made for when the opposing pitcher is right handed).

In other words, all lefties must become righthanded batters or switch-hitters.

Pitchers -

Any pitcher carrying an ERA above 4.50 must report to their respective pitching coaches for knuckleball instruction.

Those who show an aptitude for the pitch must also clear their offseason schedule since much of it will be taken up by a mandatory climb up Mount Kilimanjaro.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Story by Larry Smith. You can follow Larry Smith on twitter @dr4sight   

Monday, July 9, 2012

It's Halftime Mets Fans

Things are going to get even better Mets fans...Clint Eastwood guarantees it!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Mets Win A Thriller 6-5! Captain Shorts Is Pleased!

The Obligatory Poorly Photoshopped Jason Kidd In A Knicks Jersey Post

I know this is not Mets related but free agency rumors are always fun fodder for Photoshopping.  Hmm, fun fodder for Photoshopping?  Say that 5 times fast. Anyway, here's an outdated Jason Kidd in a Knicks jersey that has never existed....

Sunday, July 1, 2012

David Wright Rips Into "Unclutch Mets Fans" Who Failed To Vote Him Into All-Star Game

David Wright will be going to the 2012 Major League Baseball All-Star Game next week, as a backup. Despite leading all NL third basemen in votes for most of the year, Wright was overtaken in a late surge in fan voting by Pablo Sandoval of the San Francisco Giants. Speaking to reporters before tonight's Mets-Dodgers game, Wright uncharacteristically voiced his displeasure with Mets fans who he feels failed to come through in the clutch.

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