Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Mets Hoping New Perks Will Entice Prospective Investors

Sterling Equities which owns the NY Mets, TV network SNY, and a significant position in Madoff Ponzi International Inc. (MadPonz, now selling at 1 penny per share on the NASDAQ) has decided to sell up to 25% of the baseball team.

According to Forbes Magazine, the actual value of the team presently is -$225 million. By my calculation then a quarter of the team should be worth about -$56 million. And who among us really doesn't have that kind of minus money to invest?

But, hard to believe, the Wilpons are having trouble finding a party to buy in. Yes, there were rumors of interest by Martin Luther King III and Martin Luther XXII but neither of these have panned out. Recent news and blog articles propose that billionaire Mark Cuban consider coming aboard. But Fred Wilpon has made it clear that he has no interest in bringing in a wealthy partner whose top priority is perennially fielding a championship-caliber team. So it's not likely that Mr. Cuban will be receiving "the call" any time soon.

In order to attract an investor the team has decided to throw in this perk. The new junior partner will have the free services, two days a week, of Mr. Met and can use him as a "personal butler."
Just think of how great it would be to have that puckish scamp to fetch you your slippers, wash and dry the dishes (remember he always wears gloves which saves you on the cost of drying kitchen towels), and perhaps even to drive you to and from work. One caveat here is that Mr. Met's head won't fit into any vehicle smaller than a Chevrolet Impala. Minivans and SUV figure to work.

And the Mr. Met you've come to love on TV will look almost the same as you've always seen him, with one small difference. Part of the revenue-enhancing scheme involves selling advertising space on the mascot. Various pharmaceutical companies are fighting for space on his chest while a few 1-900 sex lines are negotiating for space across his butt. So by the time the new part owner of the team sees him, Mr. Met should look like a biped version of a NASCAR race car.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Story by Larry Smith.  You can follow Larry Smith on twitter @dr4sight

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