"I went to kiss the girl but I missed high and wide and ended up kissing the wall instead."
"I didn't want a kiss and suggested that the girl bunt instead. She started giving me lip so I took out my blade and cut her."
"The girl was on the other side of a high railing so I had to lean way over and kiss her upside down like Spider-Man before flipping over and landing on my feet."
"I just remember one beautiful afternoon underneath the bleachers with Scott Boras."
All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Follow me on Twitter @readtheapple
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