Thursday, February 3, 2011

Unlikely Ownership Candidate Of The Day: Joe Francis The Girls Gone Wild Guy

Hey Y'all! Sniggity, Diggity!
Ever since the announcement last week that the Mets were parting ways with their Nigerian business partner and looking for new strategic partner, people have been lining up.  All kinds of investment groups have taken to the airwaves to announce their candidacy.

But there is another group of investors who are having trouble getting their message heard and they have turned to The Apple for help.  My phone has been ringing off the hook with calls from fringe candidates wanting to be heard.  To accommodate these groups I will be spotlighting different ownership candidates and their platforms over the coming week.

Today we start with a call I received from Joe Francis.  Creeper extraordinaire Francis has made a fortune getting college girls drunk and taking their tops off for the camera.  Hailed as a hero by some and vilified as the devil by others, Francis wants to update the Mets image and in his own words "revolutionize ballpark entertainment as we know it."

Francis explained his Mets gone wild ideas to The Apple:
"People say the ballpark is a family experience but lets be honest.  It's a place where people go to get drunk and act like jerks.  In that respect I am a perfect fit.  Under my watch, a Mets game would be the biggest wildest party in New York on a nightly basis."
Francis' ideas include a wet t-shirt cannon, topless vendors (both male and female) and a 7th inning flash-off on top of the Mets dugout.  During the flash-off the traditional song "Lazy Mary" would be replaced with generic steel drum music while young girls do things they'll regret later in life.  And the party really gets going when Snoop Dogg makes the scene.

Currently Joe's chances of purchasing a stake in the Mets lie somewhere between slim and none, but that is not stopping him.  "I'm going to pursue it aggressively.", said Francis.  "Anything to keep my mind off of the 600 rape cases currently filed against me."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Follow me on Twitter @readtheapple

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