Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Mets Name Lustin Emurphy Opening Day Second Baseman

Disheartened after weeks of watching a futile war of attrition for the second base job unfold at spring training, the Mets have changed tactics and named Lustin Emurphy the opening day second baseman.  Lustin, pronounced "loose tin" would be an amalgamation of the four leading candidates for the job.

Sources close to the team say they are exploring several methods of obtaining Emurphy, one of which involves a powerful wizard merging the players magically.  A slightly more realistic approach involves obtaining DNA from the four men and cloning a player with the strengths of all four.  Early tests proved unsuccessful as they ended up creating a player with all of their weaknesses.  He was subsequently released and signed by the Phillies on Tuesday.

Despite the setbacks the Mets hope to have a serviceable Lustin Emurphy ready to go on opening day.  Personally, I think they should just sign the wizard.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Follow me on Twitter @readtheapple

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