Thursday, August 18, 2011

Mets Ownership Says Moving LF Fence Would Anger The Wizard Who Lives Behind It

Aside from the lack of dividers in the mens room, the left field fence is the most hotly debated part of the Mets home ballpark.  Should it be moved in? Should it be lowered? Should it be lowered and moved in?  Every Mets fan seems to have an opinion, but ownership has remained mostly quiet on the subject.  Yesterday, in an exclusive interview with The Apple, Mets owner Fred Wilpon finally broke his silence on the subject and what he had to say may surprise you.

"We're aware that fans want change but it isn't always that easy.  There are circumstances that are beyond our control."

Like money?

"Everyone always assumes that it's money but it really isn't.  I assure you, we have plenty of money.  We would have already reconfigured the park if it wasn't for this wizard."

Excuse me?

"When we were building the park we stumbled upon a powerful wizard who was living below the parking lot.  He agreed not to curse the team if he was given a place to live behind the LF wall.  We agreed.  Our fear now is that moving the fence could anger him and who knows what he might do."

So you're really going with this story?  It's not simply that you can't afford an expensive remodel?

"It's the truth.  Money is not an issue, just a very powerful wizard who has threatened to destroy the team if his lair is disturbed.  Why is that so hard to believe?"

OK, so what about the Mo Zone, a lot of people complain that's too deep as well. What's stopping you from changing that?

"A very temperamental troll."

I think we're done here.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Follow me on Twitter @readtheapple. Thanks to Jose for playing the role of the "wizard".

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