Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Alderson & Company Plan To Attack The Mets Problems By The Numbers

With the addition of Paul DePodesta to the Mets’ front office the numerical triangle has been closed.  GM Alderson and his top lieutenants Ricciardi and DePodesta come straight from the Moneyball tree and all have a deep and abiding respect for mathematical analysis.

They have already hatched a plan to show all of baseball how different the Mets will be now that they are led by mathematical gurus.

First, the outfield fence signs will be replaced by their equivalent number in the metric system.  While David Wright might be intimidated by the fact that the fence in right center field is 415 feet away he’ll certainly be more encouraged when he sees the 126.5 sign since that’s the distance in meters.  And to poke one down the line instead of seeing a depressing 335 feet sign  it’ll read 102 (that’s it in meters).  Sounds a lot easier, right?

And there’s the speed gun.  R.A. Dickey has a reasonably fast knuckleball that gets to the plate at 83 miles per hour.  That’s not too intimidating.  But wait til the scoreboard shows the reading in kilometers/hour.  That 83 is now 133.6!  Take that opposing batters.

But the most noticeable change will be that many of the Mets players will be wearing more sophisticated and telling uniform numbers. 

Take Jose Reyes, the Mets’ own Mr. Energy, he’ll be wearing "mc2"

Angel Pagan was the prankster on the team who would often smash a pie into a teammates’ face while the star of the game was being interviewed by Kevin Burkhardt.  So naturally Pagan’s new number will be the symbol for pi.  There was some consideration to giving out the number 3.14159 which is pi carried out a few places.  But to do that the team would have to trade for a wide back player like Prince Fielder or Pablo Sandoval.

Ollie Perez, should he come north with the big club, will be wearing "-$∞"  which can easily be read as “minus infinite dollars”.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Today's story by Larry Smith.  You can follow Larry Smith on twitter @dr4sight

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