Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The Apple Uncovers Rejected First Draft Of Mets Kelly Shoppach Press Release

Yesterday, the Mets announced that they had acquired backup catcher Kelly Shoppach from the Red Sox. The team made the announcement via the standard press release. However, it turns out the Mets had originally drafted a more honest press release but scrapped the idea at the last minute.  Fortunately, The Apple has obtained a copy of this release and we are sharing it here. Enjoy!

FLUSHING, N.Y., August 14, 2012  The New York Mets today announced the team acquired catcher Kelly Shoppach from the Boston Red Sox on a waiver claim for a player to be named later.

We never had the intention of adding an actual major league player to platoon with Josh Thole but have begrudgingly decided to address the incessant chatter on Twitter, in the local newspapers, and especially from all those mindless bloggers who think they know everything since they read every word at Baseball Prospectus.

For our money (or lack of it as the case really is) we were content to let Mike Nickeas and then Rob Johnson take their three or four futile hacks per game.  And so what that we were grinding Josh Thole into the ground making him catch far more games than would be healthy in the long term for him?

We hope you're happy that we have brought in a player with an OPS that is nearly 800 this year and in the 730s for his career.

We now consider this matter closed. Please do us the courtesy of leaving us alone for a few weeks while we go about the arduous task of figuring out how we are going to pay this guy.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Follow Larry on Twitter @dr4sight.

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