Friday, September 17, 2010

Omar Minaya's Faceplate Falls Off During Press Conference

What little chance the Wilpon's had of retaining Omar Minaya as GM next season went up in smoke today when Minaya's faceplate fell off during a bronze level press conference, revealing the Mets General Manager's metal endoskeleton. 

The revelation confirmed what many in the media have been suspecting for some time now, that Omar Minaya is a cost-cutting robot created by the Wilpon's to ensure they remain in control of the team while offering the fans a scapegoat for the team's shortcomings.

But this wasn't always the case.  According to a source inside the Mets front office, the team made the switch shortly after the Oliver Perez contract was signed.  Concerned about the real Minaya's reckless spending, the Wilpon's bought out Minaya's contract on the condition that he return to the Dominican Republic and keep out of the public eye while the Minaya-bot took over his identity here. 

While there is officially no rule in the books regarding replacing your GM with a cyborg, it is generally frowned upon by Major League Baseball.  An official inside the offices of the MLB told us that the league was already watching the Mets closely because they believed the Mets had replaced manager Jerry Manuel with a bunting machine.  As it turned out, Jerry Manuel just really likes bunting.

Minaya -bot is expected to finish out the season as the team's GM.  While the Wilpon/Okon ownership group has made no official statement, it is generally believed that to avoid any further embarrassment the Mets will return to a human GM next season.  A team source however did tell us that the Mets have already begun construction on a John Ricco cyborg just in case.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

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