Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Frazzled Minaya Calls Up The Wrong "Players"

It appears the day in day out stresses of fighting for his job may have finally gotten to Mets GM Omar Minaya.  On Wednesday, the embattled GM held a gold level press conference to formally introduce the Mets two newest faces to the media.  The press in attendance was expecting to meet newcomer Joaquin Arias and call-up Lucas Duda, but were disappointed and bewildered when Minaya introduced his new players Joaquin Phoenix and Lucas Prata.

Minaya apparently got some bad information which he blamed on his lousy iPhone reception.  "John (Ricco) called me last night and told me what moves we were making.", said Minaya.  "The phone was breaking up pretty bad and I thought the moves sounded strange but at this point I really don't give a crap.  I guess these guys can beat you in a lot of ways or something...whatever."

Fans may remember Lucas Prata for his 2006 smash hit "And we say... (Let's Go Mets)".  The song became an anthem for the 2006 squad and climbed to #1 on the Billboard music chart in the "songs concocted entirely as marketing tools" category.  The song was also apparently a favorite of Jersey Shore "star" Snooki.  Prata told the Apple he originally thought he was being called in to sing the anthem but when the Mets placed a contract in front of him he figured he'd just go along with it.

As for Phoenix, the actor turned rapper turned homeless man clearly had no idea where he was and when asked for his opinion of the situation simply muttered something incoherent and wandered off into an empty conference room.

Despite the blunder, the Wilpon/Okon ownership group is not all that upset.  Ownership feels that adding Phoenix will increase awareness amongst non-baseball fans and the homeless, while Prata will add a guido element missing since the departure of Paul Loduca.  Additionally, the two players will make next to nothing.  Prata signed a league minimum deal that expires at the end of the season while Phoenix has agreed to play for a case of Thunderbird Wine.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

1 comment:

  1. "We don't have one great Carlos, we have two".....oh the good 'ol days....


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