Tuesday, September 21, 2010

For Oliver Perez, Bark In The Park Offers A Shot At Redemption

For the first time since returning from the DL, Oliver Perez knows his next assignment and he's putting in extra work to prepare.   The Mets today announced that Perez will get the call on September 27th when the Mets face the Milwaukee Brewers during the final home stand of the year.  The only catch for Perez?  He will not be pitching.  Instead, the lefty will be catching...well sort of.

On September 27th, the Mets will host Bark in the Park Night at Citi Field.  Fans willing to pay $10 to bring their dog to an event it cannot possibly comprehend will be permitted to sit in the Pepsi Porch.  While the Mets hope this event will bring in extra fans but they understand that it will bring an additional element to the ballpark.  Poop.  Not the usual crap that the fans see on the field but actual poop.  Enter Oliver Perez.

During Bark in the Park, Oliver Perez will roam the Pepsi Porch and be the first man on the spot when one of the Mets canine fanatics hits a "2-bagger".  Perez, who has worked various odd jobs around the ballpark, is looking forward to the opportunity and spent the off day practicing outside Citi Field before joining the team for the opener of their 3-game series tonight at Tampax Pearl Stadium.

"It's starting to get colder and I'll take any job that gets me out of the dunk tank.", says Perez.  "Plus, I like dogs a lot so that's a bonus.  In the end I am just glad to have an assignment and I want to help the team in any way I can."

A team spokesman tells The Apple that unlike his pitching performances, Oliver will be expected to go all nine innings as the team's designated scooper.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.


  1. Well he finally has a real reason to be "down in the dumps" now. However, considering how much he is paid I don't even think this qualifies.

  2. This is total dogsh*t.....We all know Perez cannot speak English THAT well.....

  3. You had me at "Fans willing to pay $10 to bring their dog to an event it cannot possibly comprehend"


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