Saturday, January 12, 2013

Mets COO Jeff Wilpon: We Have Money To Spend On Free Agents...We Just Don't Remember Where We Put It

Mets fans have been frustrated lately by what they feel is hot stove complacency despite reports saying the team has money to spend.  If the team really does have money, then why haven't they made a move to fill one of their many holes? In an effort to clear up the confusion, we went right to the source, Mets COO Jeff Wilpon.

"The truth is we have money to spend.", Wilpon told The Apple. "The thing is, we currently don't know where we put it.  I was operating under the assumption that Sandy (Alderson) knew where it was, but he came to me looking for money for an outfielder last week and we realized we had a problem."

So what is the team doing about this recent problem?

"We're checking everywhere. After the usual spots like the vault turned up nothing, we started checking some of our secret hiding spots around Citi Field. These include the hidden safe behind Mookie Wilson's Mets Hall of Fame plaque and the false bottom of Kevin Burkhardt's Sex Jacuzzi.  Unfortunately, we found nothing."

So does this mean Mets fans should expect the team to be out of the market for free agent help for the foreseeable future?

"Our fans can rest assured that we have a plan to find this money and we will not rest until we find this money, even if it takes us until 2015 to do it.  In the meantime I'd just like to remind everyone that there are plenty of great $63 seats left for the home opener on April 1st." 

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Follow me on Twitter @readtheapple.

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