Investigative Report: Mets Approached Pagan About Oblique Transplant

The Apple's investigative reporter Larry Smith has done it again.  Always lurking in the shadows of the Mets clubhouse, Smith has uncovered a plot so sinister, it will change the way you think about how the Mets handle injuries.  Actually on second thought you are probably already pretty unhappy with how they handle injuries but that doesn't make this any less twisted.

In a taped phone conversation which reportedly took place on Thursday afternoon, Mets management is heard asking Angel Pagan if he would consider an operation to swap oblique muscles with teammate Jose Reyes.  The Mets were apparently panicked because Jose had once again been scratched and the only other solution they had on the table was to call up a fourth catcher.

During the conversation, the Mets state that they feel that Pagan's oblique, which healed quickly when he injured it recently, is battle tested and more durable than that of Reyes and that there was a possibility that Pagan's body might actually speed up the healing process of Jose's balky oblique.  

Pagan was less receptive to the idea.  Noticeably upset, he can be heard shouting, "What the (expletive deleted), man? Are you (expletive deleted) kidding me?  You can't take my good muscle out!"

With Pagan seemingly out of the running as a donor the Mets will have to explore other ways of getting the oblique they want.  Reports that Omar Minaya was seen entering Nick Evans' hotel room last night with a bottle of chloroform and a cooler have not been confirmed.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.  Thanks to Larry Smith for risking life and limb to get the story.

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