Chase Field Blues: Transcript Of The Mets Arizona Team Meeting

Today The Apple has gotten our hands on the transcript of the Mets team meeting in Arizona.

Disclaimer: If you were born after the 70's and have never seen Hill Street Blues a lot of this may not make sense.  

3:30 PM ROLL CALL

Jerry Manuel:  Alright guys settle down.  I want to get through this quickly so we can get on with the day.   First order of business, as you’ve probably heard, Alex got mad at some reporters yesterday.  Fortunately they were newspaper reporters, so no one really cared anyway.

(Jerry Laughs. No One Else Does)

Jerry:  Moving on, Oliver is going to be back with the team today so let’s make sure and give him a nice welcome.

Jeff Francouer:  What beard is he sporting?

Jerry: It’s not 100%, but early indications are he’s going with some kind of Fidel Castro look.   

As for tonight’s catcher, it’s going to be Rod tonight.  We had wanted to go with Henry tonight but he is currently being questioned by Phoenix police for the third time today, so it’s gonna be Rod.

Jason Bay: My last check bounced? 

(Grumbles of agreement from the group)

Jerry:  Apparently there has been an issue with funds to pay you guys.  Accounting is working on it but they are releasing the funds in order of performance so it may be a while for you Jason.

(Jerry Laughs, No One Else Does)

Jerry:  Also, in case you haven’t heard, Mr. Wilpon recently got screwed in another bad business deal so we’re gonna be passing the hat around the clubhouse later.  I strongly urge you to give what you can.  Every penny helps.

Josh Thole: What about the deadline?

Jerry: I know it’s on your mind guys, but I wouldn’t worry.  As of right now the team has received no offers for any of you.  Not even a phone call.  You’re all gonna be Mets for a long time.

(Crowd groans)

Jerry:  As for the incident in San Francisco involving Mr. Hernandez stumbling from room to room at the team hotel calling you losers, we are handling that internally.  Just try to remember that Keith is kind of a big deal around this club so we have to tread lightly, but do file a report with your union rep if you were one of his targets.

Last thing guys, with regards to bunting…

(Loud groan from group)

Jerry:  Yeah yeah, I know how you guys feel but this is important so I want all of you to work on it.  We’re going to be bunting with 2 outs now and also with the bases loaded to stay out of triple plays.

(More groaning and an unidentified voice shouts out “You suck!”)

Jerry: Ok. Ok. That’s enough of that.  Let’s get out there.  I’ll see you on the field.   Oh, and guys…let’s be careful out there.

(Cue The Music)

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Pin It