Friday, October 29, 2010

Jeff Wilpon Send Mets Fans Email Warning Of C.H.U.D. Initiation Night

In hopes of ushering in a new era in transparency for the franchise, Mets owner Jeff Wilpon has been sending Mets fans constant email updates over the course of the GM hiring process.  Most fans have welcomed the constant updates which have ranged from "We are down to two candidates" to "Had bagels this morning. Yummy!".

But as so often is the case with email, Jeff has recently begun forwarding every silly urban legend chain letter he receives and fans have started to complain.  It started on Tuesday when Jeff sent an email warning fans about parking lot perfume salesmen who knock you out and take your kidney.  Most fans brushed off the initial email but then this morning this showed up in Mets fans inboxes:

Dear Mets Fans,

I just got this from a friend who gets Alerts from a detective in her neighborhood. It's important to pass along....

I have just received some very important intelligence. Tonight October 29 through October 31st, 2010 are supposed to be C.H.U.D. Initiation Nights. On these nights, new C.H.U.D.'s, or Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers are to be initiated and as part of their initiation they are supposed to lure unsuspecting victims, usually women, to the sewers and eat them. As of this minute, I am being told that they are to eat at least 30-35 women. In the law enforcement community we don't take these warnings lightly. 

There is strength in numbers! If you see or recognize any C.H.U.D's in your area, please contact your local police department immediately and for God's sake stay out of the sewers.


Please forward this email on to as many people in your area as possible.

Sincerely,
Jeff Wilpon

While many fans have complained, Wilpon stands behind his decision to pass on the warning.  In a statement issued today, Wilpon says, "I decided that it was in the best interest of our brand to make our fans aware of this threat.  The fans are the backbone of the organization and we don't want to see any of them senselessly eaten.  It wouldn't be good for them and it wouldn't be good for business.  I think I made the right choice and I stand behind my decision."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

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