Breaking News: Oliver Perez Lowered Into Chilean Mine To Assist Trapped Miners

Earlier today, as a worldwide television audience watched,  Mets pitcher Oliver Perez was lowered into the collapsed mine in Chile.  Perez was in Chile at the request of Mets owner Jeff Wilpon, who spoke briefly with The Apple.

"When we heard that volunteers were needed to risk their lives to save those miners, we immediately signed Ollie up.", said Wilpon.  "We got him on a plane and let him watch a 20-minute mine safety DVD."

According to Wilpon, the organization felt that since they were not seeing a return from their investment, someone might as well be able to put him to use.  Perez was not exactly jumping at the chance to go down into the dangerous mine, but in the end the Mets made him an offer he couldn't refuse.

"We told him either he goes down to the minors next year, or down into the mine.", said Wilpon. "He chose the mine."

Unbeknown to Perez was the fact that the Mets signed off on an agreement with the Chilean government that states if a situation should arise where one man has to sacrifice himself for the good of the others, Perez will fill that role.  The Mets then promised a 5 million dollar donation should Chile make such a situation occur.

Good luck Ollie.  Our prayers are with you.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

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