Now I'm not even sure what particular concept of God people are talking about, but regardless of your deity of choice, I find it pretty silly to believe he/she would involve himself in baseball. I find it even sillier to believe he/she would be concerned with one particular fan base.
The exception being the Greek god Hermes, in this case he would have to be involved because well, it's in his job description.
Hermes aside, I had to assume most people were talking about the bearded Sistine Chapel version so I placed a few calls. I was shocked when God himself returned my call.
The Apple: First off, congratulations on all your great works: the mountains, the rain forests...Eliza Dushku.
God: You're welcome.
TA: So let's get right to it. Do you hate Mets fans?
G: I get this every year around this time. I'm not sure where it comes from. I love all my creations. I harbor no animosity towards any particular group of fans. Not even that really obnoxious group. You know the one I'm talking about.
TA: So why the perception?
G: I work in mysterious ways and I test fans in different ways. Some fans can't handle it and become bitter. I guess they end up blaming me. It's understandable I suppose.
TA: So you love Mets fans?
G: Yes.
TA: But you also like messing with them?
G: I suppose. It can get boring up here and listening to some of your calls on WFAN helps pass the time. You guys are hilarious.
TA: But you take no responsibility for their plight?
G: Not directly anyway. To be honest, I don't care much for baseball. Too slow. Now hockey, there's a man's game.
TA: I guess that settles it. Thanks for joining us.
G: No problem. I'm a big fan.
So there you have it. God does not hate you Mets fans. He just enjoys watching you squirm. Hermes, however , did email us to say he does hate you. I wouldn't worry though. I think he only controls ancient Greek sports like discus and stuff.
All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.
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