Deep under Citi Field is a room the size of a football field. Lining the walls of this room are rows and rows of glass chambers. Inside each chamber lies a shadowy figure holding a glove. The Mets tell us that in 6 months, they will have an army of Zack Hample clones to patrol their left field wall. The Hample army would ruthlessly suck up any balls hit anywhere near the orange line and render the need for replay unnecessary. Raul Ibanez will have to wave his finger in some other ballpark.
For those unfamiliar with Hample, he is the self proclaimed "ballhawk" who has caught several thousand baseballs over the last decade or so. When Carlos Beltran blasted the last homer at Shea in 2008, it was Hample who was waiting in the bleachers to make the catch.
So how did it come to be that the Mets came into possession of their own private army of Hamples? The idea apparently came to Mets GM Omar Minaya after watching the movie The Island. The Mets were able to secure a sample of Hample's DNA and set up their cloning operations deep below the ballpark. The plan will cost an estimated 250 million dollars and will be ready in May of 2011. The alternative would have been to move the fences in two feet or down 5 feet which would have cost an estimated 250 thousand dollars. The Mets believe they made the right choice.
All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.
Before placing the army, lower the fence four feet and bring it in ten. This will only help the Mets, the other clubs have had little trouble finding the seats!
ReplyDeletethis is the best one I've seen. i'm still laughing just at the title and photo 5 minutes later.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read the headline, I was thinking "Zack Hample bobble-heads?" Hey! why not? Somebody needs to.
ReplyDelete