Introducing: Lil' Murph's Diary by Larry Smith

Dear Diary,

I know I only write in you once or twice each week but I just can't get to sleep after tonite's game. I have to tell someone what happened and you're my bestest friend I have in the WHOLE world.

Famed Ballhawk Hample Credits Arm Extension Surgery For HR Catch

Last Thursday, Mike Nickeas hit his first Major League home run.  Famed ballhawk Zack Hample made the catch and chronicled his fascinating journey to get the ball back to Nickeas.  But some are calling Hample's victory tainted.  The reason?  A controversial arm extension surgery which has many in the ballhawking community crying foul.

6 In A Row

Mets Will Try To Trick Outfielders Into Playing Shallow

Anyone who has watched the Mets play at Citi Field this year must notice how many fly balls - even those with a good bit of hang time - have dropped in for singles.  This is due to the fact that all the Mets outfielders prefer to play deep and try to come in on balls.  I suppose it's their version of the "no triples" defense.

The Easter "Benny"!

Bark In The Park Redux

In honor of yesterday's Bark In The Park at Citi Field, the Apple would like to take a look back at last year's B.I.T.P. which featured a rain out made up on the Sony Playstation, an unfortunate Jason Bay injury and our favorite left handed pooper scooper.

Mets Turn To NY Rangers For Celebration Inspiration

One of the things that endeared the NHL's scrappy New York Rangers team to its fanbase during the regular season was a tradition that they started.  At the end of each win on home ice, the players would come to center ice and raise their sticks "saluting" the fans.

New Baserunner Traffic Light Aids Mets In Win Over Astros

Plagued by a series of baserunning blunders and bad decisions during this recent homestand, the Mets decided to install a new traffic light system to help their baserunners. Last night, against the Astros, the system made it's successful debut.

Send In The Clowns: Even I Can't Make This Stuff Up

Tonight, I was at the Mets game with Media Goon from Mets Police.  The game is starting and what comes on all the electronic boards at the ballpark as the Mets take the field?  This:

Seriously Mets?  If you're gonna do stuff like this than I guess I can just close up shop.

Thanks go out to Media Goon for the pic.

Larry Smith Finds A New Least Favorite Mets Player

In the pantheon of Mets history there has often been one player (sometimes two) on the team that the fans just detest.

I needn't recite all the names but just think back over the years about how we all felt about Vince Coleman, Mel Rojas, Bobby Bonilla, and this writer's all-time least favorite Met, Rey Rey Ordonez.

Farewell Brad Emaus

Mets Send Jason Bay To Port St. Lucie For Rehab...By Bus

Jason Bay entered his meeting on Monday with great enthusiasm and expectations. He was hoping that he could convince Sandy Alderson and his braintrust that he was ready, willing, and able to take his rightful place in left field for the Mets (or was it his leftful place in right field? I forget).

They heard him out and decided that it would be prudent to have him face warm live pitching for the next couple of days. They told him he would have to go back to Florida and then on Thursday he could play with the big club.

What follows is an example of the depths of the team's financial crisis. They handed him a bus ticket out of Port Authority back to Florida.

Bay pleaded to go by plane but was denied. Then his agent called asking for the same thing but willing to compromise for an Amtrak ticket. The Mets brass played hardball (which is more than what we can say about the actual team).

By the time you read this Jason should be just south of Delaware.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Story by Larry Smith.  You can follow Larry Smith on twitter @dr4sight     

The Cubs: Helping Drunk Chicks Meet Guys Since 1870

I'm pretty sure this is staged but it's still freaking hilarious! via WBEZ

Mets To Release DVD Commemorating Big Victory In Atlanta

Eager to capitalize on the goodwill generated by yesterday's non-loss in Atlanta, the Mets marketing department has announced that they will release a DVD honoring what may very well end up being the high point of their season. 

Flushing Flash Accidentally Sends Out Email Honoring Smokey Robinson

This morning, in an incident similar to the recent postal service Statue of Liberty mix-up, the New York Mets email newsletter accidentally sent out an email that was meant to commemorate Jackie Robinson Day with an image of William "Smokey" Robinson where Jackie should have been.  Fortunately the error was caught quickly and only a handful of subscribers received the Smokey version.  A corrected version featuring an image of Robinson's jersey was later sent out to all subscribers.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Follow me on Twitter @readtheapple

Employers Estimate A 40% Drop In Productivity Due To "Mets Depression"

As Mets fans, we all know the emotional toll that watching our favorite team can take on us, but according to a new survey, there is an a very real financial cost to the Mets losing ways.

Fun With Real Photos: Keith Hernandez's WTF Vest

As seen on last night's post-game show:

Apparently as a cost-cutting measure, Keith must also direct traffic in the parking lot after the games.

Join the fun.  Add your own caption in the comments section.

Jose Reyes Pennant Design Could Signal End Of The Line With Mets

It's the question that's been on the minds of Mets fans since before the season even began.  Will the Mets dynamic shortstop still be wearing a Mets uniform after the trade deadline?  Apparently the very same question is also on the minds of the Mets marketing department as well.  When someone decided to schedule "Jose Reyes Pennant Night" in August, they left many Mets employees facing a dilemma. How do you prepare a promotion for a player who may not be here for that promotion?

Well in true Mets form, they seem to have found an answer to the question.

Sandy Alderson's Weather Dominator Malfunctions, Mets Expect To Play Tonight

Last night, the Mets beleaguered bullpen was able to get a much needed night off thanks largely to GM Sandy Alderson's weather dominator machine.  Not content to simply control a baseball team, Alderson had the weather dominator built for him by his close friend and former colleague Destro to allow him to play god with NYC's weather.

Link: Tyranny Of Tradition Updates Us On Jason Bay

Our friend Keith over at Tyranny Of Tradition has compiled some notes from the bizarre side of Major League Baseball including a hilarious injury update on our favorite inactive left fielder.  I didn't even know Jason Bay was suffering from Toxic Megacolon. Read the whole story here.

You Know It's Gonna Be An Interesting Day When It Starts Off With This...

Local School Warns Students Of The Dangers Of Lenny Dykstra

Today at The Academy of Finance & Enterprise in Long Island City, New York Mets greats, Ed Kranepool and Doug Flynn, will lead a roster of Mets alumni teaching financial education to high school students to support Junior Achievement of NY.  While the roster includes Matt Franco, Wayne Garrett, Jerry Grote and Felix Millan, it is someone who is not on the guest list that has the school concerned.

The Apple Sticker Invades Enemy Territory

Brian from Branchville, NJ sent us this pic from Citizens Bank Park.  Here at The Apple, we are so touched, we are going to pay Brian's dry cleaning bill to get the vomit off of his Mets jersey.

Thanks as always to BuildASign.com for providing the stickers.

Mets Bloggers Leave Their Mom's Basements To Grill Meat / Watch Baseball

On April 8th 2011, several Mets bloggers left the safety of their mother's basements to watch their beloved team lose to the Nationals.  Among those in attendance were sandwich expert Ted Berg, Mets author extraordinaire Matt Silverman, optimistic Mets fan Mike "Ceetar" Donato, Mets t-shirt magnate Darren Meenan of The 7 Line, Twitter superstar Ramon "GrevensEpiphany" Martinez,  Apple fans Ron Mazzola and Richard Madison, and Kerel "too handsome to be photographed" Cooper of On The Black.

Mets Debut Tip Cups On Opening Day

You may notice something different this season when you take your seats at Citi Field.  Starting at yesterday's Mets home opener the team is placing tip jars at the end of each row.  But these tips are not for the vendors or ushers.  According to management, the tips collected will go directly to helping the team pay it's players.

The Apple's First Annual Opening Day Tailgate Today!

The Apple's first annual Opening Day Tailgate is just a few hours away.  The tailgate will take place from 12-3PM today at the location shown as "Site A" on the map below.  If the location should change for any reason I will tweet details from @readtheapple on Twitter.

Sticker Update: The Second Batch Is On Its Way

To anyone who requested stickers, your envelopes went out in the mail this week.  If you still want a sticker, you can get one from me in person tomorrow at Citi Field during The Apple's pre-game tailgate. 

Daniel from NYC got his sticker and used it to make himself the coolest "Apple" computer on the planet.

Fresh Off Hot Start Willie Harris Dumps Agent, Signs With Scott Boras

The Mets signed free agent Willie Harris to a one year $800,000 contract to be a role player off the bench. Harris has mostly played outfield the last couple of years but can also handle 2B and 3B.

Opening weekend went well for the veteran. He went 4 for 10 including 2 doubles and a HR. Based on that he fired his agent and signed on with Uber Mega Agent-to-the-stars Scott Boras.

Chris Young / Mets Dunk Phillies 7-1

Former Met Feliciano Getting A Little Carried Away With The Trash Talk

Lost in all of the Family Guy scandals and post opening day panic of the last week was a mini war of words going on between the Mets and Pedro Feliciano.  Well actually Pedro is the only one doing the talking but he's doing plenty of it.  It seems Happy Pete was upset that the Mets did not re-sign him because they felt his arm would not hold up to the wear and tear.  Feliciano, currently on the DL because his arm could not hold up to the wear and tear, said that he would retaliate with good pitching in the upcoming Subway Series, provided his arm has been reassembled by then.

Link: Tyranny Of Tradition Chronicles The Mets Abuse Of Pedro Feliciano

This past week, Yankees GM Brian Cashman blamed the Mets for Pedro Feliciano having to start 2011 on the DL.  The Yankees human ATM even went as far as to accuse the Mets of "abuse" of the lefty specialist.  Keith Spillett of Tyranny Of Tradition has chronicled that abuse on his blog.  Check it out here.

Reader Email: Hu's On First

Hi Randy,

Thankfully, Gary and Keith didn't go this route last night.

-Kyle Hunsberger

 

 

Kyle, give it time.  It's too irresistible.  That being said, if having to sit through a ton of bad puns is the price to pay for Hu getting on base a lot, that's a trade I'm willing to make. Thanks for the email.

The 7 Line Season Kick Off At Strawberry's

If you're not doing anything right now,  why not head on down to Strawberry's Sports Grill in Queens.   Darren from the 7 Line is on hand and hard at work selling.   There's drink specials all night too.   So if you ever wanted to meet me or punch me get your butt over to Strawberry's.

My Favorite Moment From The Mets Opening Day Loss

Not surprisingly it happened before the game even started when this exchange took place.

Howie Rose: Performing the national anthem will be Clarence Clemons from the E-Street Band.

Loud Marlins Fan Too Close To Open Mic: METS SUCK!

Howie Rose: That was not Clarence Clemons.


Please tell me someone else heard this.

Damn, Just When I Was Feeling Good About Opening Day Chris Rock Has To Go And Do This

I will say though if the Mets do actually replace ticket takers with a hand licking dog, Wifey would probably want to go to more games.

Opening Day 2011: Now Is The Hour Of Our Short Lived Content

Mets Fans,

Since inning 14 of game 162 we have waited for this day.  We have countdown clocks on our phones.  We circled the date on our calendars. We pretend that football is an acceptable substitute to help us pass the time.  Some of us even pray to the dark lord to make the winter pass more quickly.

Well the waiting is over.

Opening Day is here.  For at least one day we are in first place.  (well technically half a game back of Atlanta but you get what I mean)  You wanted new management? Done. You wanted Ollie gone?  Done.  You wanted Luis gone?  Done. You wanted shorter lines at Shake Shack...well you can't win them all.

This feeling won't last long.  Heck it probably won't survive the weekend, but for now, cherish this feeling.  This is that most precious part of the season when anything is still possible.

Enjoy the opener, Mets fans.  I think I speak for all of us when I say, ALL HAIL THE DARK LORD....er I mean Let's Go Mets!

-Randy Medina