Happy New Year From The Apple

Mets Announce Cost Cutting Plan For 2011

In professional sports the traditional manner of improving a team's revenue stream is to put an exciting winning product on the field. Fans flock to the stadiums and arenas which leads to incredible amounts of money going to the team.

Clearly that is not going to work for the 2011 Mets. Excitement and winning do not figure to be prominent during the first full year of the Alderson administration. But they haven't given up on the idea of improving the owners' bottom line.

Today the Mets announced some cost cutting measures for 2011:

BUFFALO/BROOKLYN SWITCHEROO
In recent years the Mets have had Buffalo as their AAA affiliate while the Brooklyn Cyclones have been an A ball team for them. Given the Mets' propensity for injuries there has been a shuttling of triple-A players up to the big club and then returned in those rare instances of injured players actually returning to the field.
Having priced out flights from Buffalo to LaGuardia and compared that to the price of a subway token it is clear that making Brooklyn the triple-A team is a clear moneymaker.

WHY BRING DEAD WOOD?
Also to save on travel and hotel rooms the club has decided to only send on road trips those starting pitchers who are scheduled to play. Why bother paying for a plane ticket and hotel room for R.A. Dickey and Dillon Gee on a trip to Cincinnati when perhaps it's Pelfrey and Misch scheduled to pitch in the series? That's pure savings.

THROW BACK THOSE FOUL BALLS
Ever notice how cavalier teams are about letting fans keep the foul balls that go into the stands? And what's with the ball-youngsters handing perfectly good balls to kids down the 1st and 3rd base lines? Do you think these balls cost nothing at all? In the NBA fans routinely toss the "air balls" back onto the court. They don't hand it over to their six year old kid who then grins from ear to ear. So this year all foul balls must be returned.

Not to be too chintzy the club will permit fans to keep homerun balls hit by the Mets at CitiField. After all, a couple of dozen freebies won't hurt the bottom line.

LIGHTS OUT AT 10
What's your electric bill look like? Right, it's not pretty. So imagine lighting a huge place like CitiField. That's big bucks. In 2011 the Mets plan to start all night games at 6:30pm and no inning will be permitted to start after 9:30. This way the building can be emptied and lights turned off by 10pm. After all, with the way the Mets figure to play this season does anyone really want to see them for more than three hours at a time?

KEEP RALPH IN CALIFORNIA
No Mets week is complete without that once a week visit by Ralph Kiner. We all need our periodic reminder of how Dazzy Vance use to spit tobacco during the early 30's. But to fly Ralphie in every seven days so that he can schmooze in the booth for three innings, well that's just wasteful.
Instead the club has sent an SNY tech out to Kiner's home to teach him how to turn on his computer and connect to the booth via a free Skype video conference. The effect will be the same as if he's in the TV booth but at another great savings.

PRICE OF ESCALATION
A final revenue enhancing step will be to charge fans for the use of escalators at CitiField. It has been decided that any fan choosing to use the UP escalators will have to pay a $.50 fare. Use of the DOWN escalators will be free, since there aren't any.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Today's story by Larry Smith.  You can follow Larry Smith on twitter @dr4sight

Fred Wilpon Throws Kwanzaa Party At Citi Field

Always in touch with the community, Mets owner Fred Wilpon threw a Kwanzaa party at Citi Field on Wednesday afternoon.  In honor of the fourth day of Kwanzaa, or Ujamaa, Wilpon spoke of the virtues of cooperative economics and how he intends to stimulate the economy of the local area by offering 10% discounts on Mets tickets.

But the afternoon took a strange and slightly offensive twist when Wilpon donned his shades and his bling and performed as "Rappin' Freddy Dubs".  The audience uncomfortably watched as the patriarch of the Wilpon clan dropped rhymes like, "Disappoint me and you're gonna be fired/Don't believe me, ask Omar Minaya" and "I got my man Sandy to brainwash the bloggers/ Because next week we change our name to the Dodgers."

To be fair, Wilpon was pressed into duty at the last minute.  Originally the plan called for a more traditional performance by Mets ownership partner and deposed Nigerian Prince Dr. Clement Okon, unfortunately the team has had trouble locating Okon since they wired him ten million dollars last summer.  With Okon unavailable, the team sought to recruit one of their African-American players to perform until they realized that they don't have any.  They briefly toyed with the idea of re-branding Jose Reyes as Joey Smith but wisely decided against it.  It was at this time that Wilpon, not wanting to disappoint the crowd, took to the stage.

Fortunately for the Mets, the crowd was mostly comprised of rich White business owners and Citibank execs.  The few African-Americans in attendance we're too busy feeling sorry for Wilpon to be offended.

Happy Kwanzaa everybody!


All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

The Apple Wins Mazzilli Award For Blog Of The Year

Monday night at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, California, the best and the brightest in the Mets blogosphere were gathered together for the 2010 Mets Police Awards or the Mazzilli's as they are more commonly referred to.  These awards, given out by Shannon Shark of the fan advocacy site metspolice.com, honor excellence in the Mets online community.

The night was a time to honor many of the more well known names in the blogosphere.  Greg Prince from Faith and Fear took home the best writer award while Michael Baron from MetsPhotos.com won for, you guessed it, best photos.  Metsblog's Matthew Cerrone took home the lifetime achievement Mazzilli for being the "Most Powerful Man In The Mets Blogosphere".

But the surprise of the night came when The Apple was chosen as blog of the year.  We here at The Apple are humbled by this honor.  And while we feel there are many more blogs deserving of this honor (cough...cough... Pauls Random Stuff...cough...cough) we would like to point out that no one did more butt kissing than us to get it.

So on behalf of everyone here at The Apple, which as you may know is me and occasionally Larry Smith, I graciously accept this award.  I didn't even mind it when Ted Berg jumped on the stage during my acceptance speech and shouted that Kerel Cooper has one of the best blogs of all time.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Merry Christmas From The Apple

Get the printable Christmas Card here

SNY To Air 24 Hours Of Kevin Burkhardt This Christmas

SNY knows you can't get enough Kevin Burkhardt and not wanting anyone to feel neglected over the holidays the network has announced that starting at 8PM on Christmas Eve they will air 24 hours of Burkhardt programming.

The majority of the show will feature Burkhardt sitting by the fire and telling stories about his experiences with the Mets in a calm soothing voice while the New York Philharmonic plays Christmas music softly in the background.

Aside from that, Kevin will also be conducting fireside interviews with Mets stars and celebrities.  The tentative guest list includes Fred and Jeff Wilpon, Johan Santana, Carlos Beltran and Andy Dick.

The highlight will come at midnight on Christmas Eve when Burkhardt will read Charles Dickens "A Christmas Carol" while sipping brandy by the fire.

Kevin Burkhardt's 24 Hours of Christmas begins on Friday night at 8PM.  Set your DVR's now.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Mets Pitcher Oliver Perez To Appear On Upcoming Episode Of Million Dollar Money Drop

What began as a copyright infringement lawsuit has turned into a marketing opportunity for the Mets and one of their players.  Earlier this winter, Mets pitcher Oliver Perez filed a lawsuit against the producers of the new FOX game show Million Dollar Money Drop.  The suit alleged that Perez has been known as the 36 million dollar money drop for the past 2 years and that the FOX game show's name is too similar to his own. 

According to sources, the Mets pitcher agreed to drop his lawsuit in exchange for an appearance on the show.  All money won in his appearance would be donated to Perez's favorite charity, The Oliver Perez Foundation For The Advancement Of Oliver Perez.  The producers agreed and Oliver was flown to California this week to tape the episode.

While the episode isn't scheduled to air until January, a Mets representative told The Apple that things did not go well for Oliver.  In what is sure to be a Money Drop record, Perez did not make it past the first question.  Apparently the question was "According to a survey, what did U.S. baseball fans say is the most exciting play in baseball?"  Perez bet his entire $1,000,000 on "Walk".

Perez was not phased by the loss, telling The Apple, "It's just a million bucks.  I make that warming up in the bullpen."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Mets Trainer Ray Ramirez Fired From Winter Job On Broadway

Christmas may not be so merry this year for Mets trainer Ray Ramirez.  Just one day after another injury, The Apple has learned that Ramirez has been relieved of his duties as strength and conditioning coach for Broadway's Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark.

The news comes on the heels of a highly publicized incident which left one performer in the hospital with serious injuries.  Ramirez insists that the injuries are the result of poor equipment and not his fault but the producers of the show have decided to make a change anyway.

"We are all going to miss Mr. Ramirez but there come's a point when you have to do something.", says show director Julie Taymor.  "I'm sure this is not all his fault but when this many injuries start piling up you have to make a move just show the public that you are not going to stand for it."

Though Ramirez initially declined to comment, he later released a statement that said he intends to return to Puerto Rico and concentrate on getting Carlos Beltran ready for 2011.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Video: Alderson and Mets Get Shot Down By Veteran Free Agent Catcher

This has been a tough off-season for the New York Mets.  Besides having a limited budget to work with, the team is finding out the hard way that there are a lot of players who simply do not want to come to NY to play with the Mets.  Yesterday the Mets were shot down by a veteran catcher and to make matters worse, the team agreed to release the video of the entire exchange to The Apple.

Enjoy!

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Mets Make Oliver Perez The Face Of The Holiday Pick-A-Pack Promotion

In what we can only guess is a move to rehabilitate his shattered image, the Mets made Oliver Perez the poster boy for their Holiday 3-Game Pick-A-Pack promotion.  Universally lauded as the most hated Mets player, Perez will be on all advertising for the packs.  It appears the Mets want to send a strong message to both of his fans that Ollie is not going anywhere.  Here's the email that went out today:

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Mets Christmas Greeting Video Takes A Dark Turn

I'm not sure who the Mets hired to produce their virtual Christmas greeting this year but it gets a little dark for our tastes.  Watch Mr. Met go on a Christmas journey to destroy Citi Field below and then tell us what you think.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

The 2011 Mets: The Offseason About Nothing

To be completely fair, when Sandy Alderson took the Mets GM job he basically told fans not to expect much in the off-season.  Still that didn't stop Larry Smith from comparing the average morning meeting at Citi Field to a scene from everyone's favorite show about nothing.  And while I think Larry is being a little harsh, I'm never going to turn down an excuse to photoshop the heads of the Mets front office onto the cast of Seinfeld.

THE OFFSEASON ABOUT NOTHING by Larry Smith

SANDY ALDERSON (SA): Ah, good. You've arrived. Have some coffee and let's plan our day. There's lots to do.

JP RICCIARDI (JR): Great boss. We've been waiting a while to start rolling. Anxious to hear the plan.

PAUL DEPODESTA (PD): Absolutely. Oooh, donuts.

SA: I got a call last night from the Cubs. They wanted to know if we'd be interested in Gorzellany.

PD: Decent lefty. Reasonable stuff. What'd you say, boss?

SA: I said sure but then they told me that they wanted players for him and that's when they lost us.

JR: But who are they asking for?

SA: It doesn't matter. The only guys we can spare are Ollie and Luis and you know nobody will take them off our hands.

JR: Then what are we going to do today?

SA: Nothing. We'll just continue to monitor the market.

PD: What exactly does that mean? Like are we still talking to Chris Young?

SA: Oh sure. I talk to his agent every couple of days and continue to tell him that we're interested.

JR: What're they asking for?

SA: I forget. But whatever it is, it's too much. We have to let the market come to us.

PD: I know this is a whacky question, but aren't we in NY. How come we don't have any money to spend? Sometimes I think we had more wiggle room out in San Diego.

SA: Don't worry Paul. I have a plan. It'll all work out.

JR and PD (together): But what do we do today???

SA: Just do nothing!

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Today's story by Larry Smith.  You can follow Larry Smith on twitter @dr4sight

Mets Accidentally Donate Mr. Met To Charity In Coat Drive Mishap

The Mets held their winter coat drive on Wednesday and while it was a success it may have come at a price.  Apparently Mr. Met was just finished loading some coats into a truck as part of a promotional photo shoot when some overzealous workers piled in some more bags, trapping the Mets mascot.

When the Mets figured out what happened they quickly called the organization New York Cares
to get him back.  Unfortunately, Mr. Met had already been processed and reassigned to Meals on Wheels as a food delivery person.

The Mets are currently in negotiations to have the mascot returned but according to a team source, Meals on Wheels is asking for top dollar and the team does not have that kind of room in their budget.  Negotiations could continue through the winter but the Mets are optimistic that Mr. Met will return by opening day or May at the latest.  In the meantime the club has called up Sandy The Seagull from the Brooklyn Cyclones to handle promotional duties.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Local Moron Attends Coat Drive, Meets Mr. Met

The Mets held their annual coat drive and a good time was had by all.  But none had a better time than this local moron pictured here.  According to reports, this clown drove up from Yonkers to drop off a coat and stuck around to get his picture taken with Mr. Met.  A source tells us that despite attending hundreds of Mets games over the last 25 years, this idiot simply cannot resist the opportunity to take a picture with Mr. Met...EVER.

Reporting for the Apple, I'm Randy Medina and I'm a moron.

Cheers To The Mets Winter Coat Drive / Charity Work

I poke a lot of fun at the Metropolitans here at The Apple but in the spirit of the season I wanted to take a minute and say "good job" to the Mets organization on all their recent charity work including today's coat drive.  The Mets have always been involved in the community and while we may not always be happy with their on-field performance, I think it's safe to say that we can all agree the Mets do a great job off the field where charity is concerned.

While it's easy to focus on ownership or overpaid lefty starters, we sometimes forget that there is an army of regular people who work behind the scenes on events like today's.  So for at least this one day I want to say thank you to the team I love for all you do for great organizations like City Harvest and New York Cares.  I only wish I had a hundred coats to give.

And just to clarify, as I will no doubt be accused of being brainwashed by the Mets, I am not being bribed by the Mets to say this.  I am not one of the Mets chosen bloggers who gets invited to holiday parties and conference calls.  I just figured since I spend the other 364 days making jokes about the Mets why not take one to give them some credit.

Tomorrow the jokes begin again.

Salvation Army Struggles To Keep Up With Influx Of Mets Clothing Being Donated

Worker sorts through Mets merchandise at NYC Salvation Army store

The holidays are always a busy time for the folks at the Salvation Army.   Whether people are overcome with the spirit of giving or just looking to de-clutter their lives at the end of the year, donations to organizations like the Salvation Army are up this time of year.  This is usually a good thing but this year the organization is facing a new problem.

Walking into the Salvation Army Thrift Store on 46th street the problem becomes clear.  "Is this the Mets clubhouse shop?", a customer can be heard wondering aloud.  Apparently, disgruntled Mets fans are unloading all of their merchandise en masse and stores like this one are becoming overwhelmed with Mets merchandise.

 "Normally a lot of donations is a good thing.", said Molly Gordy, director of PR for the Salvation Army.  "Unfortunately, this stuff isn't selling and we are getting overwhelmed.  Even thrift store customers don't seem to want it and it ends up costing us a lot of money to haul to the dump."

The Salvation Army is asking people to refrain from donating any more Mets merchandise.  Unfortunately it may be too late.  Due in large part to the news of Cliff Lee signing with the rival Phillies, several truckloads of Mets merchandise are expected to arrive at the Salvation Army for sorting tomorrow.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

While I poke a little fun here there is nothing funny about the need for charity during the winter months.  The Mets are holding a coat drive today and even giving out free tickets for donating.  

Click here for details about the Mets Coat Drive

Click here for more info about the Salvation Army

Click here for more info about New York Cares Annual Coat Drive

Link: The Apple Goes One on One With The Dugs

One of the best parts of having a Mets blog is that I've gotten to connect with lots of other great sports and humor blogs out there.  Most of these meetings are of the friendly variety but sometimes you have to take off the gloves and throw down.  Such is the case today when I do battle with Martin McFarlane from the The Dugs. 

Check it out as we debate the important baseball topics of the day and get to the root of the deep issues in Major League Baseball...like how does Hanley Ramirez spend his Christmas.  Read the whole story here.

Who Were The Ad Wizards Who Came Up With This One: Mets Own Promotional Video Makes Them Look Sillier Than I Ever Could

It may be time to hang up my keyboard and shut down this website.  In what can only be viewed as a preemptive strike against The Apple, the Mets have unleashed their 2011 promotional video and quite frankly, it is hilarious.

I can't compete with the hilarity that ensues when you fill out your info and fire up this video.  The Burkhardt intro, the 1980's McDonalds employee training video music (only available if you watch on the Mets site), the porno-level acting & Terry Collins walking down a hallway.

I wanted to edit this into something funnier but quite frankly it can't be done, though it could have used more star wipes.  Here's the generic version but for the full effect make sure to click here and enter your info.  Your name will appear at various points during the video and Sandy will actually call your house.  Oh and you will also be permanently be added to the Mets mailing list, a list harder to get off of than the national sex offender registry.



What I really want to know is does anyone really fall for this kind of nonsense.  I'm not saying you shouldn't renew or buy Mets tickets.  In fact, I've already re-upped for 2011 because I love watching baseball.  All I want to know is are there people out there who were on the fence about tickets until Terry came strolling down that hallway to show Sandy their file?

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Several Mets Show Up Months Early For Spring Training After Mistakenly Hearing Vanessa Hudgens Named Hitting Coach

Digital Domain Park in Port St. Lucie was unusually busy this weekend as several Mets showed up nearly three months early to work on their hitting.  So why the urgency?  As it turns out several Mets players were mistakenly told that Vanessa Hudgens was going to be named hitting coach of the Mets.

Apparently, the source of the confusion appears to be none other than Mets shortstop Jose Reyes.  According to sources, Reyes read online that someone named Hudgens was going to be named the new hitting coach of the Mets.  Having never heard of Hudgens, Reyes typed "Hudgens" into Google and was thrilled at the search results which came back.  These result included some very interesting pictures.

Not realizing he had confused Dave Hudgens with Vanessa Hudgens, Reyes started calling teammates and booked a private jet to Port St. Lucie to hopefully get some 1 on 1 instruction from his new coach.

David Wright, Josh Thole & Angel Pagan were among the group that joined Reyes on his jet.  According to reports, when the group arrived at a closed Digital Domain Park and realized their mistake, they decided to go to a local Hooters for wings instead.  Reyes reportedly picked up the bill.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

MLB Mocks Mets In Latest Marketing Email

I understand that that the MLB is a business and as such it is in their best interest to send out lots of marketing emails.  What I don't get is why they had to take a shot at us Mets fans in their latest email for the MLB Photo Store.

Ouch.  That's messed up MLB.  Even still, I may have to pick up a framed K-Rod gets arrested photo.  I wonder if he'd sign it?

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Thanks to Walter Young for the story suggestion.

Mets Winter Meetings: Day 4 Recap

The Rule 5 Draft put serious time constraints on the Mets contingent on Thursday.  After selecting Brad Emaus and Pedro Beato and losing Elvin Ramirez, the Mets were left with only half a day to take in all of the sites Orlando had to offer.  With the clock ticking the group decided to split up and visit the place they most wanted to see.

For Sandy Alderson, it was Sea World.  The Mets new GM took in all the sites and sounds of the world's premier marine adventure park.  He was even able to get up close and personal with Seamore, one of the park's Sea Lions.

Paul DePodesta, on the other hand, had simpler tastes.  For DePodesta, no trip to Orlando would be complete without a visit to the world's largest Entertainment McDonalds & Playplace.  The Mets assistant was able to try his hand at the over 100 state-of-the-art card swipe arcade games and satisfy his craving for a Big Mac all at the same time.  "I want to have my birthday here.", DePodesta was heard telling a staff member. 

While DePodesta was busy racking up points in the arcade, another Mets assistant had a more dangerous game on his mind.  J.P. Ricciardi, the thrillseeker of the group, used his time to visit Gatorland where he was able to wrestle a live alligator.  Many of the park's employees were skeptical of Ricciardi's claims that he had developed an advanced mathematical formula that would allow him to defeat the gator, but they could not argue with the results as he was able to subdue the beast in record time.

The Mets representatives return home today, confident that, while they didn't make any big splashes at the Winter Meetings, they thoroughly justified the expense of sending them down there.  "At the very least we've bonded as a group.", said Alderson.

Apparently the Mets GM wants some of his players to experience the city as well.  "What I want to do is get some of the veteran leaders on the ballclub to join us down here when we come back next week for Paul's birthday at McDonalds."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Mets Winter Meetings: Day 3 Recap

By this point in the MLB Winter Meetings most of the other GM's and baseball executives were busy discussing actual deals, so the Mets contingent headed to Universal Studios Orlando for a tour of the new Wizarding World Of Harry Potter attraction.

After the tour the group was treated to a surprise, a private screening of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows with members of the cast.

Everyone enjoyed the film though J.P. Ricciardi was a little disappointed that the movie featured no Quidditch.  "I've been analyzing the game very closely.", said Ricciardi. "I think I've come up with some advanced stats that would make evaluating Quidditch players a lot more accurate."

When asked about Ricciardi's advanced stat keeping in Quidditch, Harry Potter's star Daniel Radcliffe simply said, "That guy is a huge nerd."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Mets Winter Meetings: Day 2 Recap

The second day of the winter meetings was quite eventful for the Mets representation.  The crew of Sandy Alderson, Paul DePodesta, J.P. Ricciardi and for some reason Jay Horowitz was up early and working the continental breakfast looking for possible trade partners.

By 7:30 AM it was obvious that there was no interest in what the Mets were selling so the group set out to salvage the day with a trip to Disney World.  But rest assured this group doesn't do anything without a plan.

"We were up all night running the numbers and we came up with a cohiesive strategy.", said Paul DePodesta. "By taking an advanced sabermetric approach to our visit we were able to hit every ride at least twice.  We could have done even better if Jay (Horowitz) had agreed to sit in a wheelchair."

Regardless, park employees are calling it "the most efficient use of time in the history of the park". The group rode space mountain 32 times, shattering the previous record for a group of baseball executives: 1.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Mets Winter Meetings: Day 1 Recap

Despite initially balking at the idea of even attending the winter meetings this year, Sandy Alderson and crew arrived in Florida yesterday and immediately got to work.  After quickly working the room and realizing that there is pretty much nothing the Mets can accomplish in these meetings, the group hit the links.

The group braved the unseasonably cold weather and managed to get in 18 holes at Orlando's MetroWest Golf Course.  The group was tempted to call it a day after 9 holes but stuck it out and completed the round.

"It was cold out there.", said J.P. Ricciardi.  "But we came down here to do a job and we're going to to do it. We owed it to Fred and Jeff to finish the job."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

What's The Point? - Alderson Opts Out Of Winter Meetings

As Major League Baseball readies itself for the jewel of the Hot Stove League, the December winter meetings it was learned than Sandy Alderson has cancelled all plans for the Mets to be represented there. The team has cancelled all its flight reservations and hotel room accomodations.

In a hastily called bronze level press conference at Citi Field Alderson had this to say:

"In looking at our budget and considering what we might accomplish at the meetings J.P., Paul, and I decided that it would just be a waste of time and money to go all the way down to Orlando. Sure, we would enjoy the weather and the chance to rub elbows with the other front offices but in what we save on travel, hotel accommodations and scotch we could probably buy us a veteran backup catcher to platoon with Josh Thole."

Alderson continued...

"And really, our presence down there only gets up the hopes of our loyal fanbase. While other teams are inking free agents and making trades to fill holes we'd be mostly sneaking off to Disneyworld with our kids - or in my case, the grandkids - and perhaps getting in some golf. We choose to not spend the Wilpons' money on this. So we're taking a stand and just not going."

Although Alderson was not planning to take questions Kevin Burkhardt blurted one out anyway. The question was "what if someone wants to talk to you about one of your players?"

The G.M. replied, "Well, Kev. I'm not disconnecting my cell phone service, If they need to talk to us we'll be right here at our desks here in Flushing. And Kevin, I know you plan to go down to cover the meetings. If you hear of any teams looking for a gimpy slap-hitting veteran secondbaseman let them know we have one for them. Cheap."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Today's story by Larry Smith.  You can follow Larry Smith on twitter @dr4sight

The 12 Days Of Metsmas: A Mets Christmas Carol

On the 1st day of Christmas the Wilpons gave to me
a GM named Sandy.

On the 2nd day of Christmas the Wilpons gave to me
J.P. Ricciardi, & a GM named Sandy.

On the 3rd day of Christmas the Wilpons gave to me
3 Guys Non-Tendered, J.P. Ricciardi, & a GM named Sandy.

On the 4th day of Christmas the Wilpons gave to me
Paul Depodesta, 3 Guys Non-Tendered, J.P. Ricciardi, & a GM named Sandy.

On the 5th day of Christmas the Wilpons gave to me
Old Terry C., Paul Depodesta, 3 Guys Non-Tendered, J.P. Ricciardi, & a GM named Sandy.

On the 6th day of Christmas the Wilpons gave to me
Lower ticket prices, Old Terry C., Paul Depodesta, 3 Guys Non-Tendered, J.P. Ricciardi, & a GM named Sandy.

On the 7th day of Christmas the Wilpons gave to me
One limited payroll, Lower ticket prices, Old Terry C., Paul Depodesta, 3 Guys Non-Tendered, J.P. Ricciardi, & a GM named Sandy.

On the 8th day of Christmas the Wilpons gave to me
Chris Young who's rumored, One limited payroll, Lower ticket prices, Old Terry C., Paul Depodesta, 3 Guys Non-Tendered, J.P. Ricciardi, & a GM named Sandy.

On the 9th day of Christmas the Wilpons gave to me
Quiet winter meetings, Chris Young who's rumored, One limited payroll, Lower ticket prices, Old Terry C., Paul Depodesta, 3 Guys Non-Tendered, J.P. Ricciardi, & a GM named Sandy.

On the 10th day of Christmas the Wilpons gave to me
Jeff Francis - maybe, Quiet winter meetings, Chris Young who's rumored, One limited payroll, Lower ticket prices, Old Terry C., Paul Depodesta, 3 Guys Non-Tendered, J.P. Ricciardi, & a GM named Sandy.

On the 11th day of Christmas the Wilpons gave to me
No new dimensions, Jeff Francis - maybe, Quiet winter meetings, Chris Young who's rumored, One limited payroll, Lower ticket prices, Old Terry C., Paul Depodesta, 3 Guys Non-Tendered, J.P. Ricciardi, & a GM named Sandy.

On the 12th day of Christmas the Wilpons gave to me
No hope for this year, No new dimensions, Jeff Francis - maybe, Quiet winter meetings, Chris Young who's rumored, One limited payroll, Lower ticket prices, Old Terry C., Paul Depodesta, 3 Guys Non-Tendered, J.P. Ricciardi, & a GM named Sandy.

12 Days Of Metsmas Lyrics By Randy Smith, Larry Smith & Randy Medina.  All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. 

SNY To Air Ike Davis Hanukkah Special Tonight

Tonight the SNY network will enter the world of animation when they air what they hope will become an instant holiday classic titled An Ike Davis Hanukkah. 

The 30 minute animated special will feature the voice talents of Ike Davis, Jay Horwitz and others.  It will follow the exploits of Ike Davis as he sets out to find the true meaning of Hanukkah.

SNY released this description:

 An Ike Davis Hanukkah

Ike Davis, feeling that the Hanukkah message is lost amid all the seasonal glitter, has the blues. When our hapless hero sets out to find a menorah to use as a stage prop in his Hebrew School play, he unknowingly takes a step toward discovering the holiday's true meaning. The scraggly menorah that thrives on a "little love" and a timely assist from Jay Horwitz make the message of the season come shining through.

An Ike Davis Hanukkah will debut tonight at 8PM and will air at the top of every hour for the next six days.  It will alternate with a 30 minute commercial for the Ninja Blender.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.  

You Don't Have To Be Anna Benson To Play Santa Claus This Year

Today I just wanted to take a break from all the silliness to share a little info about a great project that Mrs. The Apple and I like to take part in every year.  Organized by New York Cares, the Winter Wishes program provides holiday gifts for disadvantaged children, teens, and families, many of whom would not otherwise receive gifts during the holidays. 

Winter Wishes collects and screens more than 32,000 gift requests and sends them to volunteers who purchase, wrap, and send the gifts to them. While holiday shopping can be a drag, making a local child's holiday wish come true is never a chore.  Fortunately all their letters have been

If toys are not your thing there is also the NY Coat Drive as well as many opportunities to give the greatest gift of all, your time, to many worthwhile charities.

As sports fans, we like to run our mouths about the price of this and that but we all enjoy the luxury of being able to spend money on these silly games we love so much.  This year lets put our money (or time) where our mouth is.  It doesn't even matter what holiday, if any, you celebrate.  Personally, I reject traditional holiday celebrations and instead celebrate the Mets' acquisition of Mike Hampton in 1999.

So whether it's donating to Toys For Tots or helping out at your local shelter please remember those less fortunate this year during the holidays. 

For More Info On The Charities Mentioned and More Visit The Following Links:

New York Cares
http://www.newyorkcares.org/

Toys For Tots
http://www.toysfortots.org/

While registration is closed for Winter Wish letters, you can still help them by donating a gift card.  Contact Winter.Wishes@newyorkcares.org for more info.