Good Bye Frankie or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Trade

Sandy Alderson Puts K-Rod Up For Sale On eBay

Sandy Alderson, proactive as always, has decided to market his closer Francisco Rodriguez in a new innovative way.  He has put him up for auction at Ebay.

We found him listed under  Sporting Goods > Outdoor Sports > Baseball > Pitchers > Closers > RH'd

The detailed information we found when we clicked on the link said:

MLB Mocks Mets In Latest Marketing Email

I understand that that the MLB is a business and as such it is in their best interest to send out lots of marketing emails.  What I don't get is why they had to take a shot at us Mets fans in their latest email for the MLB Photo Store.

Ouch.  That's messed up MLB.  Even still, I may have to pick up a framed K-Rod gets arrested photo.  I wonder if he'd sign it?

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Thanks to Walter Young for the story suggestion.

13 Rejected Ideas For The Mets Amazin' Fan Perks Program

Earlier today, Dave Howard announced that the Mets will be going the extra mile to make season ticket holders feel appreciated.  In addition to ticket discounts, the Mets also announced the Amazin' Mets Perks program that gives season ticket holders the opportunity to enjoy special events, luxury suites and even once in a lifetime experiences like bringing your glove and watching batting practice on the field from the left center field warning track at Citi Field.  The list is so long it got us wondering if there was anything the Mets would not do.  As it turns out, we uncovered this list of rejected Amazin Mets Perks ideas.  Enjoy!

  13) Get walked by Oliver Perez

12) A signed piece of John Maine’s bone spur.

11) Dance Lessons from Jose Reyes plus your very own secret handshake

10) Private VIP line at Shake Shack

9) A golf outing with Johan Santana 

(Female Fans Only)

8) One (1) Complimentary knee surgery by Carlos Beltran’s personal doctor in Arizona 

(Team permission not required)

7) Autographed and Framed strands of Keith Hernandez’s mustache hair from Steiner Sports

6) Watch a game in a luxury suite while you are waited on by Luis Castillo

5) A rotunda named after you.

4) Watch a game from an obstructed view seat with Dave Howard while he defines the term obstructed to you.

3) Access to a special private condiments bar that hasn’t been sneezed on by half of the ballpark.

2) Private bathroom complete with urinal divider and flushing urinal.

1) A personalized text message from Frankie Rodriguez…and then 55 more personalized text messages from Frankie Rodriguez.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Francisco Rodriguez Inks Deal With EA Sports To Pitch Upcoming Boxing Game

Frankie Rodriguez knows how to make the best of a bad situation.  Just one day after learning he will be facing new charges for violating a court order, the former Mets closer signed a deal with video game company Electronic Arts to act as a pitchman for their upcoming Fight Night boxing title.

Under the terms of the deal, Rodriguez, who may be preparing for life after baseball, will appear at publicity events and appear as a playable character in the game.

Brian Haynes, gameplay producer for the Fight Night series tells us why EA believes it is a good fit. "Due to an exclusivity agreement currently in place, we can't make any Major League Baseball licensed games.", said Haynes.  "Because of this we have looked into alternative ways of incorporating baseball stars into existing franchises.  K-Rod's right hook is in all the papers right now.  It was a perfect match for the Fight Night series."

For those of you who have been under a rock, K-Rod injured himself in August during a fight with his father-in-law over the Mets Senior Stroll promotion.

Fight Night Champion is expected to arrive on store shelves sometime in 2011.  K-Rod is expected to arrive in a New York courtroom on October 7.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Mets Brass Hopes Unorthodox K-Rod Punishment Sends Message To The Team

On Wednesday, Mets closer Francisco Rodriguez was arrested on third degree assault charges after a family argument about the Senior Stroll turned violent.  Thursday, the Mets handed down their punishment, a two game suspension.  Some around the team felt that the suspension was too lenient and that because the incident took place in the stadium in front of player's family members, the Mets needed to send a stronger message.

To calm those voices, the Mets announced today that the suspension is just the beginning of K-Rod's punishment.  Mets president Dave Howard explains.  "You have to send a strong message to these guys that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated.", says Howard.  "The suspension is a start but he owes this whole team an apology and we think this additional punishment is the best way."

The punishment Howard is describing involves K-Rod reporting to the clubhouse early today to write "I am sorry I beat up my father in law." one thousand times in both English and Spanish on the clubhouse chalkboard.  To protect their investment, the Mets closer will have to write lefty so as not to use his pitching hand.

While the punishment may seem a bit juvenile, some players can attest to the effectiveness of the method.  "I worked for me.", said Jeff Francoeur, who earlier this year had to write "I will not describe my hitting as a laser show'' one thousand times.  "I'll never do that again."

 All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.