Lil' Murph's Diary: I'm A Trade Rumor!

Dear Diary,

This is a special week in offseason baseball.  Mr. Alderson and some of his helpers have flown out to Texas to take part in the Winter Meetings.  While other stuff is done I suppose, the winter meetings seem to be all about signing players who are free agents and making trades.  There are a gazillion reporters and bloggers out there so trade rumors come flying out of that area like nobody's business.

Mets Winter Meetings: Day 4 Recap

The Rule 5 Draft put serious time constraints on the Mets contingent on Thursday.  After selecting Brad Emaus and Pedro Beato and losing Elvin Ramirez, the Mets were left with only half a day to take in all of the sites Orlando had to offer.  With the clock ticking the group decided to split up and visit the place they most wanted to see.

For Sandy Alderson, it was Sea World.  The Mets new GM took in all the sites and sounds of the world's premier marine adventure park.  He was even able to get up close and personal with Seamore, one of the park's Sea Lions.

Paul DePodesta, on the other hand, had simpler tastes.  For DePodesta, no trip to Orlando would be complete without a visit to the world's largest Entertainment McDonalds & Playplace.  The Mets assistant was able to try his hand at the over 100 state-of-the-art card swipe arcade games and satisfy his craving for a Big Mac all at the same time.  "I want to have my birthday here.", DePodesta was heard telling a staff member. 

While DePodesta was busy racking up points in the arcade, another Mets assistant had a more dangerous game on his mind.  J.P. Ricciardi, the thrillseeker of the group, used his time to visit Gatorland where he was able to wrestle a live alligator.  Many of the park's employees were skeptical of Ricciardi's claims that he had developed an advanced mathematical formula that would allow him to defeat the gator, but they could not argue with the results as he was able to subdue the beast in record time.

The Mets representatives return home today, confident that, while they didn't make any big splashes at the Winter Meetings, they thoroughly justified the expense of sending them down there.  "At the very least we've bonded as a group.", said Alderson.

Apparently the Mets GM wants some of his players to experience the city as well.  "What I want to do is get some of the veteran leaders on the ballclub to join us down here when we come back next week for Paul's birthday at McDonalds."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Mets Winter Meetings: Day 3 Recap

By this point in the MLB Winter Meetings most of the other GM's and baseball executives were busy discussing actual deals, so the Mets contingent headed to Universal Studios Orlando for a tour of the new Wizarding World Of Harry Potter attraction.

After the tour the group was treated to a surprise, a private screening of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows with members of the cast.

Everyone enjoyed the film though J.P. Ricciardi was a little disappointed that the movie featured no Quidditch.  "I've been analyzing the game very closely.", said Ricciardi. "I think I've come up with some advanced stats that would make evaluating Quidditch players a lot more accurate."

When asked about Ricciardi's advanced stat keeping in Quidditch, Harry Potter's star Daniel Radcliffe simply said, "That guy is a huge nerd."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Mets Winter Meetings: Day 2 Recap

The second day of the winter meetings was quite eventful for the Mets representation.  The crew of Sandy Alderson, Paul DePodesta, J.P. Ricciardi and for some reason Jay Horowitz was up early and working the continental breakfast looking for possible trade partners.

By 7:30 AM it was obvious that there was no interest in what the Mets were selling so the group set out to salvage the day with a trip to Disney World.  But rest assured this group doesn't do anything without a plan.

"We were up all night running the numbers and we came up with a cohiesive strategy.", said Paul DePodesta. "By taking an advanced sabermetric approach to our visit we were able to hit every ride at least twice.  We could have done even better if Jay (Horowitz) had agreed to sit in a wheelchair."

Regardless, park employees are calling it "the most efficient use of time in the history of the park". The group rode space mountain 32 times, shattering the previous record for a group of baseball executives: 1.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Mets Winter Meetings: Day 1 Recap

Despite initially balking at the idea of even attending the winter meetings this year, Sandy Alderson and crew arrived in Florida yesterday and immediately got to work.  After quickly working the room and realizing that there is pretty much nothing the Mets can accomplish in these meetings, the group hit the links.

The group braved the unseasonably cold weather and managed to get in 18 holes at Orlando's MetroWest Golf Course.  The group was tempted to call it a day after 9 holes but stuck it out and completed the round.

"It was cold out there.", said J.P. Ricciardi.  "But we came down here to do a job and we're going to to do it. We owed it to Fred and Jeff to finish the job."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

What's The Point? - Alderson Opts Out Of Winter Meetings

As Major League Baseball readies itself for the jewel of the Hot Stove League, the December winter meetings it was learned than Sandy Alderson has cancelled all plans for the Mets to be represented there. The team has cancelled all its flight reservations and hotel room accomodations.

In a hastily called bronze level press conference at Citi Field Alderson had this to say:

"In looking at our budget and considering what we might accomplish at the meetings J.P., Paul, and I decided that it would just be a waste of time and money to go all the way down to Orlando. Sure, we would enjoy the weather and the chance to rub elbows with the other front offices but in what we save on travel, hotel accommodations and scotch we could probably buy us a veteran backup catcher to platoon with Josh Thole."

Alderson continued...

"And really, our presence down there only gets up the hopes of our loyal fanbase. While other teams are inking free agents and making trades to fill holes we'd be mostly sneaking off to Disneyworld with our kids - or in my case, the grandkids - and perhaps getting in some golf. We choose to not spend the Wilpons' money on this. So we're taking a stand and just not going."

Although Alderson was not planning to take questions Kevin Burkhardt blurted one out anyway. The question was "what if someone wants to talk to you about one of your players?"

The G.M. replied, "Well, Kev. I'm not disconnecting my cell phone service, If they need to talk to us we'll be right here at our desks here in Flushing. And Kevin, I know you plan to go down to cover the meetings. If you hear of any teams looking for a gimpy slap-hitting veteran secondbaseman let them know we have one for them. Cheap."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Today's story by Larry Smith.  You can follow Larry Smith on twitter @dr4sight