Fred Wilpon, his son Jeff, VP Dave Howard and acting GM John Ricco are feverishly pouring over data and numbers. But these are not batting averages or attendance figures, they are game pieces. Desperate to increase revenue, the Mets have hatched a plan to win cash and prizes in the McDonalds Monopoly promotion going on.
When John Ricco is dispatched to go buy more hash browns, he granted me some insight into their ideas. "Look it's been a tough year financially for the Wilpon family.", said Ricco. "But they are devoted to leaving no stone unturned when it comes to finding ways to improve the ballclub."
According to Ricco, the Wilpons hope to win the million dollar grand prize but will take anything they can get. Apparently, they intend to re-gift any small prizes to season ticket holder in hopes that they will renew their overpriced seats next season.
Rico returns to the table with several dozen hash browns and the men get back to peeling game pieces. "I got Baltic Ave!", shouts Dave Howard. "All I need is Mediterranean and that's 50 bucks!"
May God help us all.
All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.
No comments:
Post a Comment