Mets Ownership's "Commandments" Making It Difficult To Find A GM

For the past couple of weeks, the Mets front office has been interviewing candidates for their vacant GM.  Josh Byrnes, Allard Baird, Logan White, Rick Hahn, Sandy Alderson and more have all met with the Wilpons and yet none of them have been willing to take the job.  Curious as to why, The Apple's Larry Smith did a little digging and uncovered a document which may explain why the position is still vacant.  The document contains a list of four special requests that ownership will require a new GM to agree to.

They are:

A 30-DAY MONEY BACK GUARANTEE- The Mets' owners are upset that shortly after signing the likes Oliver Perez, Luis Castillo, and Jerry Manuel they found themselves with "buyer's remorse." So as to avoid this occuring quickly with their new GM this clause allows the Wilpons to annul the marriage, so to speak, in its first month with the new hire agreeing to return any and all signing bonus money that was given him.

THE WALLY BACKMAN CLAUSE - The Wilpons like Backman for a variety of reasons. He's feisty, a proven winner albeit at the minor league level, and he has roots with the legendary '86 Mets. They want the new GM to hire him as their manager. BUT, being acutely aware of their reputation as meddlesome owners they insist that the new GM announce Backman as his own idea even to the point of saying that he's hiring Wally over the objections of ownership which has proven its hands-offness by permitting the hire.

THE STEVE PHILLIPS HANKY PANKY CLAUSE - The new GM must assure ownership that he will not have extramarital affairs with any of the team's interns, front office personel, or (God forbid) Mets players or their wives. If it is shown that they have strayed then the team has the right to tear up their contract and ban him from the stadium as well as Darryl Strawberry's Sports Grill in Douglaston.

THE OMAR MINAYA ETHNIC PARITY CLAUSE - For years ownership has heard a segment of the fan base complain about a team of Latinos mixed with the occasional Japanese pitcher. It was said that David Wright was close to being the only player on the team whose native language was English. If the new GM allows the roster to stray more than one standard deviation away from the league averages in cultural diversity then ownership can cancel the rest of the GM's contract - owing nothing.  In other words, the Mets would like the next GM to combat perceived racism with actual racism or lose his job.

For some reason unknown to Fred and Jeff none of the interviewees thus far has agreed to any of the four clauses - let alone all four.  The search continues.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Today's story by Larry Smith.  You can follow Larry Smith on twitter @dr4sight

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