A Behind The Scenes Look At The Mets "Facilities"

On Friday night, the Mets Media Relations department was nice enough to allow several bloggers access to various behind the scenes areas of Citi Field. While many bloggers chose to visit the field and the press box, I decided instead to get an answer to a question that was eating at me as a Mets fan.  I got my answer...

...I knew there was no way the Mets twin towers could pee in a standard urinal. What? This is what I think about.  Don't give me that look, you were thinking it too!

Mets Fans For Urinal Dividers: Join The Movement Today!

Fans asked for shorter fences and they got them. You wanted them blue? Done! The Mets have been in a listening mood lately and yet on the issue most important to Mets fans who attend games at Citi Field the team remains shamefully silent. I am speaking of course about urinal dividers...or the lack thereof.

Why do we need urinal dividers?
A recent poll showed that a astonishing 64% of male fans who attend Mets games cannot use the urinals due to a crippling fear that someone may sneak a peek at the sausage.  This leads to longer lines at stalls and people spending more time away from their seats which translates to a poor stadium atmosphere.

Disagreement Over Urinal Dividers Sunk Wilpon/Einhorn Deal

The news has been full of speculation on just why the Wilpon-Einhorn ownership deal fell apart.  Some sources report that Wilpon had been dealing behind Einhorn's back.  Other sources say Mets ownership was fed up with Einhorn's attempts to wrestle away majority control.  The Apple has spent the last 24 hours investigating the break-up and what we ended up finding out was shocking.  In the end, it was urinals that sunk the deal.

Mets VP Dave Howard Finally Addresses "The Whole Urinal Situation"

For all the debate about the dimensions of the Mets ballpark, there is another topic that has drawn heated criticism from visitors to the home of the Mets.  I'm speaking of course, about the lack of dividers in between the state of the art flushless urinals in the restrooms at Citi Field.  But now, after much silence from the Mets on the issue, one Mets executive is finally speaking out on the issue.

Waterless Urinals: The Shocking Truth

With two games to get to today The Apple knows you don't have much time for hard hitting news so we will be brief.  Today we just wanted to share some horrifying news we received from one of our moles inside the Mets organization.

You've all heard about the waterless urinals at Citi Field.  Most if not all of our male readers have even made a deposit personally.  The Mets said they are there to save water and help the team go green.  But what you may not know is the real reason these urinals exist at Citi Field.  But first a little science.

In a nutshell, waterless urinals work by passing the urine through a sealing fluid.  The fluid is lighter than the urine so it passes right through eliminating the need for water.  Usually the urine proceeds to a waste drain but this is not the case at Citi Field.

Thanks to the diagram that was taken from Citi by our mole.  We can now see that after leaving the drain, the urine is split into two pipes.  One pipe pushes pure unfiltered urine directly to Shake Shack to be used in something called Shackmeister Ale.  The other pipe leads to a filtration system cleverly hidden inside the home run apple.  (At least we finally know why it is so huge.)  This pump filters the yellow stuff just enough to call it Budweiser, at which point it is pumped to various locations around the park.

Did you like that beer at Citi Field?  Good.  Because there is a good chance you may be drinking that same beer again in the near future.  Don't believe us?  See for yourself.

 

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.