McFaddens Raises Prices To Help Yankees Fans Feel At Home

Yankees fans headed to the Subway Series this weekend would be wise to bring plenty of cash.  McFaddens Citi Field announced today that anyone wearing Yankees attire at this weekends games will have to pay "Yankees Fans Prices".  Pricing will remain the same for Mets fans.

Jack Burcin from McFaddens explains,  "Yankees fans expect certain things when they come to the ballpark and we aim to be sensitive to their needs.  They need to prove their superiority by paying huge prices for everything and we've tried to accommodate that."

Under the new Yankees fan pricing a $6 beer now cost $12.  Prices for things like soda, water and food have also been substantially raised.  A cheeseburger is now $27 since the Yankees seem to be so in love with that number.

Yankees fans seem pretty happy with the move.  Gilberto Gomila of the Bronx explains.  "When I come to other stadiums I want to throw my money around and show people how insignificant they are.  This place lets me do that.  Sure they paid less for their beer but it tastes better when it's overpriced.  27 Baby!!!!!"

In a separate move also aimed at easing Yankees fans transition to Citi Field, the Mets have also announced that they will be bringing in extra panhandlers to patrol the 7 Train station pre and post game.

The Apple is glad to see this kind of unity.


All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. For more info on the awesome new McFaddens at Citi Field, visit http://mcfaddenscitifield.com/

Waterless Urinals: The Shocking Truth

With two games to get to today The Apple knows you don't have much time for hard hitting news so we will be brief.  Today we just wanted to share some horrifying news we received from one of our moles inside the Mets organization.

You've all heard about the waterless urinals at Citi Field.  Most if not all of our male readers have even made a deposit personally.  The Mets said they are there to save water and help the team go green.  But what you may not know is the real reason these urinals exist at Citi Field.  But first a little science.

In a nutshell, waterless urinals work by passing the urine through a sealing fluid.  The fluid is lighter than the urine so it passes right through eliminating the need for water.  Usually the urine proceeds to a waste drain but this is not the case at Citi Field.

Thanks to the diagram that was taken from Citi by our mole.  We can now see that after leaving the drain, the urine is split into two pipes.  One pipe pushes pure unfiltered urine directly to Shake Shack to be used in something called Shackmeister Ale.  The other pipe leads to a filtration system cleverly hidden inside the home run apple.  (At least we finally know why it is so huge.)  This pump filters the yellow stuff just enough to call it Budweiser, at which point it is pumped to various locations around the park.

Did you like that beer at Citi Field?  Good.  Because there is a good chance you may be drinking that same beer again in the near future.  Don't believe us?  See for yourself.

 

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.