"We've all heard the jokes.", said Mets VP Dave Howard. "One blogger named Shannon or something even asked me once why the bathroom is the only place at Citi without an obstructed view. To be honest we've had discussions about the whole urinal situation before but it wasn't until the incident that we actually knew we had to do someting."
While Howard and the rest of the Mets front office is being tight-lipped about what "the incident" actually was, we were able to find out that it is being referred to internally as "The Helicopter D**k Incident Of 2011".
"Something had to be done but it wasn't as simple as putting dividers up.", Howard continued. "Those things cost money and it was money we didn't have. Ultimately, paint was cheaper."
So the Mets painted an orange line on the wall of the mens room. The rule is that when you enter the mens room at Citi Field you must keep your eyes above the orange line. The idea is that if everyone follows the rule nobody will see anybody's junk. Of course the plan has one flaw: alcohol.
During a recent home stand, one inebriated fan got a different idea in his head. "He shouted 'Hey look, if you pee above the line it's a home run'.", recalls one witness. "After that, other drunk fans joined in and it was just awful." Needless to say the janitorial staff put in some overtime on that night.
Despite the setback, the organization has no plan to put up dividers, at least not in the near future. Dave Howard doesn't completely rule out the possibility though.
"Maybe if we unload Beltran's salary we can afford it. Sure we'd be losing one of our best players but at least the fans could finally piss in privacy and that's almost as good as having a winning team...right?"
All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Follow me on Twitter @readtheapple
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