MLB Covering All Bases When It Comes To Cheesy Playoff Hats

By now you've probably already seen those horrible hats being handed out in clubhouses around the Major Leagues.  If you haven't, let us fill you in.  Basically, Major League baseball, in their laziest marketing move ever, had teams receive generic hats that said Playoffs as opposed to their actual title. 

While it's understandable that the Yankees would get a "Playoffs" hat due to their actual title being undecided, but when the Reds won the NL Central for the first time in 15 years what did their hat say?  You guessed it "Playoffs".  

The Apple contacted Major League baseball to complain about these hats and learned some disturbing news.  Apparently the Playoffs hats are only phase one of their marketing plan.  On October 3rd all teams eliminated from contention will receive an "Offseason" hat to celebrate their exit from 2010 baseball.

Albert Hamilton, a marketing rep for the MLB explained the logic behind the promotion.  "Major League Baseball and the individual teams generate a lot of extra revenue by selling this post season merchandise.", said Hamilton.  "Unfortunately, by only creating merchandise for division winners and wild cards meant that a lot of teams were denied that opportunity.  The "Offseason" cap fixes that problem.  Now every team has a reason to celebrate.  It's like in little league when everyone gets a trophy."

The Mets MLB Offseason hat will sell for $27.99 and will be available at the Citi Field team store immediately following Sunday's game and at Modells locations on Monday.  Only time will tell if they will be as popular as the Elimination Champions merchandise.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

 

Desperate Beltran Tries One Last Effort To Win Back Fan Support

Carlos Beltran has spent his entire Mets career fighting a losing battle for the support from the Mets fan base.  He hit 41 homers for the Mets in the 2006 season but fans only remember his strikeout in his last at bat of that year.  His frequent injuries and public dispute with the Mets over his off-season knee surgery have landed him a lifetime membership in most fan's dog house.  Now Beltran is headed for an MRI which could end his already shortened season and put the brakes on any ideas the Mets may have had about trading the center fielder.

But this time, Beltran has decided to take an aggressive approach to rehabilitating his tarnished image.  As part of the Mets current "Thank You Fans" initiative, Beltran has taken it upon himself to shave the message into his head.

Beltran's agent, Scott Boras, who also represents Mr. Met, explains Beltran's thought process.  "Carlos is going through at tough time right now.  He knows that if this MRI turns up anything he will be untradeable.", said Boras.  "In that scenario he finishes his contract at Citi Field with the Mets.  If that is going to happen he desperately wants the fans on his side."

Mets owner Jeff Wilpon applauds the move.  "I like to think that I have my finger on the pulse of the fan base.", said Wilpon.  "Mets fans are pretty easy to please.  They want luxury boxes and gourmet food.  They are pretty happy with the way the things are going and they ask for nothing more than our simple "Thank You Fans" message at ballgames.  I think they will embrace Carlos with open arms."

The Mets will play a single-admission double header tonight against the Brewers starting at 4PM.  On Thursday, they return to their normal routine with a double-admission single header.


All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Mets Game Cancelled After Bark In The Park Disaster - Bay Out For Season

Officially, the Mets game against the Brewers was called off last night due to inclement weather.  The move came as a bit of a surprise since the whole game was scheduled to be played on PlayStation anyway.  We figured there had to be another reason for the cancellation and after doing some digging, The Apple uncovered the real reason the game was called off.  

Apparently, Mets outfielder Jason Bay, who had been mulling over the idea of returning for the season's final series, was doing some jogging in the light rain prior to the game to see if any concussion symptoms would return.  Unfortunately, his jogging agitated a group of canines who had been let in early as part of the team's "Bark in the Park" promotion.   The dogs broke free from their owners and began chasing the Mets left fielder all over the field before finally catching him at second base and delivering a severe mauling.

Bay was rushed to New York Hospital for Special Surgery where he was treated for several bites and lacerations.  He is expected to make a full recovery but will miss the remainder of the season.  On the positive side, Bay says he experienced no concussion symptoms during the attack.

Immediately following the attack, the Mets closed the gates and called off the game out of fear for the safety of the fans and stadium staff.  The game has been rescheduled as part of a double-header on Wednesday while "Bark in the Park" has been canceled outright. 

If you were holding a ticket to the game you may exchange it for a future game.  If you are holding a $10 dog ticket, the Mets are offering a choice of a full refund or a gift certificate for the dog walking services of Oliver Perez. 

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. 

Mets / Brewers To Play Tonight's Game Entirely On Playstation

The New York Mets and Milwaukee Brewers hope to make history tonight when they meet at Citi Field tonight.  Due to a combination of injuries, inclement weather and an overall lack of any fan interest, the two teams have decided that tonight's contest will be contested entirely on Sony's Playstation 3 video game system.

The game will be played using Sony's MLB 10: The Show video game.  It will be shown on the center field scoreboard with David Wright controlling the Mets and Prince Fielder controlling the Brewers. Jose Reyes was originally supposed to control the virtual Amazin's but sprained his thumb during virtual batting practice this morning.  He is listed as day to day.

The gates will open at regular time for fans who want to watch but the Mets aren't expecting much.  A Mets marketing representative explains the move, "We have a situation where we have sold only 648 tickets to tonight's game and to be completely honest, most of those tickets are for dogs who wouldn't know the difference between a Mets game, video game or a large rock.  With the weather forecast not looking good there is a good chance we wouldn't be able to play the game anyway so when Sony stepped up with this marketing opportunity we had to jump on it."

The Mets and Brewers will each receive an undisclosed amount of money from Sony for tonight's game.   As far as concerns about how the game will be perceived by the rest of the league, a spokesperson for the Brewers summed it up best.

"They have a big mechanical apple that comes out during home runs.  We race sausages at our games.  I think it's safe to say that both franchises stopped caring about image a long time ago."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.