Rico Vs. Ricco: Who Wins In A Battle Of Interim GM vs. Galactic Hero?

WARNING: Today's post is for geeks only so I won't hold it against you if you click away now.

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OK so let me make a confession. Starship Troopers is one my ultimate guilty pleasures. Yes, it's a glorified B-Movie. Yes, it has Neil Patrick Harris about 5 years before he was cool again. Yes, it "stars" Denise Richards but I don't care.

So the first time I heard that the Mets assistant GM was named John Ricco, the same name as the bug blasting hero of Starship Troopers, I couldn't hold back the nerd laugh. I figured this would pass but it hasn't. Every time I hear the guys name I crack up. Now he's in charge, well at least for a couple of weeks. So with the hopes of getting it all out of my system I give you Rico Vs. Ricco:



Lets meet the players.

JOHNNY RICO - Colonel in the Mobile Infantry
Played by - Actor Casper Van Dien
Fun Fact - Likes female pilots with huge lips


JOHN RICCO - Interim GM of the New York Mets
Played by - Himself and once by this guy.
Fun Fact - Name sometimes pronounced Rick-O depending on who you talk to.




Category 1: Resume
Rico: Once defeated an entire planet of man-eating bugs.
Ricco: Once announced a trade on SNY.

Winner: Col. John Rico -  Fictional or not, defeating an alien army is going to win every time.  The only exception would have been if Ricco had announced that the Mets had traded Oliver Perez.

Category 2: Rise To Power
Rico: Promoted after mercy-killing his commanding officer who was being eaten by a bug.
Ricco: Promoted after his boss was relieved of command by the team owner.

Winner: Col. John Rico - We all joke about shooting the boss.  This guy actually did it.  Though I'd like to think that if Omar Minaya was being consumed by a alien space bug he would have wanted John Ricco to put him out of his misery.

Category 3: Toughest Challenge

Rico: Stop an invasion of vicious gigantic insects from outer space.

Ricco: Decide what to do about guys like Jose Reyes and Hisanori Takahashi.

Winner: GM John Ricco - This is New York.  I don't know about you but I'd rather face an army of killer bugs than a room full of angry Mets fans.

Category 4: Special Ability

Rico: Irresistable to B-Movie Actresses.

Ricco: Invisible To NY Press.

Winner: GM John Ricco - I was shocked that his picture is even in the Mets media guide.  Don't believe me.  Do a Google image search for "John Ricco Mets".  The man is a ghost.  That's not easy in this town.

Category 5: Likely Future

Rico: A horrible violent bug-related death.

Ricco: A quiet return to anonymity.

Winner: GM John Ricco - I always go with option that doesn't include being torn in half by an arachnid.

Winner?

While GM John Ricco apparently wins 3-2, I like to imagine a world where we aren't forced to choose.  Why can't we simply combine the two into one ass-kicking, trade-making, contract signing killing machine.  I'd like to think he would look something like this:

The Apple's Year In Review Music Video

Thank you to everyone who followed The Apple throughout this season.   It was a fun season despite the familiar outcome.  While I will continue posting on the site throughout the offseason, I felt that today would be as good a time as any to take a look back at the fictional ups and downs of our boys in blue and orange.  So grab your popcorn and enjoy The Mets 2010 Season in Pictures!

Mets Announce Plans For Yet Another New Stadium

Artist's Rendering Of New Shea Stadium

In a surprise announcement Jeff Wilpon called a gold level press conference to reveal plans for the Mets (or NY City or NY State or whoever else) to build a brand new ballpark in Flushing.

As you know the Mets moved into CitiField in 2009 and no one expected that the team would need a another new park for at least several decades.

In making the announcement Mr. Wilpon conceded that CitiField has not worked out exactly as planned. Here's part of his statement:

"We realize now that we put too much emphasis on the old Brooklyn Dodgers when we built our park. The Ebbets Field front combined with the Jackie Robinson Rotunda. It's all too much. We erred there.  And the field is just so big. We wanted a field that favors the pitcher but we just went overboard in that department. There are some obstructed seats. Let's face it - CitiField is OK but we can and must do better."

A Mets executive who prefers to remain anonymous for obvious reasons revealed to us the real reason for the move. "The only way in this baseball business to make money is putting fannies in the seats. The tried and true method to do this is by putting together an exciting winning team that makes the playoffs regularly. This takes a productive farm system combined with a sharp GM who acquires just the right mix of players and an astute manager that can put it all together. Look, we don't have any of that stuff so the only other way is to open a new ballpark. Fans come to that no matter how lifeless a team you put out there."

The new Mets ballpark has the working name of NEW SHEA STADIUM and will be built in the CitiField parking lot right on the site of the original Shea Stadium. This is particularly advantageous since the outline of the stadium can be seen in the parking lot and many of the architectural plans can be recycled.

Mr. Wilpon also opined that, "we feel that baseball is being overemphasized at some of these new ballparks so we will work hard to find other things to make the visit to NEW SHEA enjoyable." To that end there will be a strip mall, petting zoo, and pool hall in the lower rotunda area.

Thinking proactively the Wilpons believe the day of the dedicated ballparks is waning. So they hope to entice an NFL back to Flushing and will make entreaties to the New York Jets.

But going further they also hope to attract an NBA and/or NHL franchise to the ballpark. When it was pointed out that the new stadium is an open air one Jeff Wilpon responded that the Nets are owned by a Russian billionaire and, "if he wants to put a roof on the place who am I to stop him?"

And as for the Islanders Wilpon noted how successful the NHL has been when it has aired its one outdoor game each year. So wouldn't a team be even more successful if it played ALL of its games outdoors? How can one argue against this logic?

Wilpon denied that he plans to charge PSL (personal seat license fees) at the new park. Fans just hate that gratuitous money grab. But he did not rule out possibly instituting PFL's which are personal food licenses that allow patrons to then buy food at the many vendors stands in the stadium.

The plan is for the Mets to stay at CitiField for the 2011, 2012, and 2013 seasons - just long enough to get the All Star Game there and then move in to NEW SHEA in 2014.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Today's story by Larry Smith.  You can follow Larry Smith on twitter @dr4sight

Mets Turn Losing Season Into Marketing Opportunity

It's been another tough year for the Mets.  Despite an improvement over their 2009 record, the Mets were guaranteed another sub .500 season last night when they were soundly defeated 9-2 by the Milwaukee Brewers at Citi Field.  For most fans, a losing season was an inevitability but for the Mets marketing department, it's an opportunity.

On Friday, the Mets unveiled a new promotion with the sandwich chain Subway.  In honor of the Mets sub .500 year, the sandwich chain will lower the price of it's $5.00 foot long sandwiches to $4.95 in it's NY stores to more closely resemble the Mets winning percentage.  In reality, it should be $4.87 but Subway felt that would just look weird.

The Subway "Sub .500, Sub $5" promotion will be advertised throughout the city on buses, billboards and of course in the subway system.  Jose Reyes was chosen to be the face of the campaign.

"They just tell me to point at the sandwich and they take a picture", Reyes told The Apple.  "Then they give me money."

At least one Mets fan believes that Subway and the Mets are a perfect match.  Keith Blacknick of Woodside explained his theory to us while waiting for the subway at the 59th street station.  "Those sandwiches are just like the Mets.", said Blacknick.  "At first it looks good in the picture.  About half way through you realize it's not as good as you had hoped and by the end you wish you had never gotten involved with it."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.