Terry Collins Invited To Speak To Congress About Doing More With Less

Terry Collins has been receiving a lot of praise lately around NY.  Some pundits have even gone as far as to suggest that the Mets skipper should win the Manager Of The Year award for his ability to do more with less.  Apparently someone in our nation's capital must have heard the same praise because Collins has been invited to speak to Congress during the All-Star break.  The theme of his speech: doing more with less.

Terry Collins Throws Tirade At Local McDonalds... Service Improves Slightly

Much has been made in the media of Terry Collins recent post-game tirade possibly motivating his team to play a little better, or at least a little more focused.  However, it would seem that the Mets skipper's motivational powers may extend beyond the playing field as reports are surfacing that Collins may have inadvertently helped turn around a struggling McDonalds location.

Video: Mets Fans Reaction To Terry Collins Being Named Mets Manager

Terry Collins passed the interview process and won the steel cage deathmatch to earn the title of Mets manager.  That doesn't mean the fans have to like it as evidenced by this video.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Terry Collins Wins Cage Match, Will Manage Mets In 2011

Thousands of fans in attendance at the Citi Field parking lot witnessed the dawn of a new era on Sunday afternoon when Terry Collins won the Managerial Deathmatch and emerged from the Thunderdome the next manager of the New York Mets.

According to witnesses the fight turned when someone dropped a chainsaw in the cage.  Collins, being the first to reach it, was able to defeat Hale and Melvin with it.  Backman got a hold of the chainsaw momentarily but was stunned when Collins used some kind of dog whistle thing on him. Collins then got a hold of a big mallet and bashed Backman's head in.

Can this outlander put this Mets team in his magical flying machine and lead them to the promised land?  Only time will tell. 

One thing is certain though.  Tonight, Terry Collins Rules Bartertown!

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. The Apple does not endorse deathmatches of any kind.

It's A Tie: Alderson Leaning Towards Hiring All Four Candidates As Next Mets Manager

The interview process has been an arduous one. After paring the list down to four candidates it seemed assured that within days the Mets family would finally know who their leader would be in the dugout.

But when push came to shove all four principles voted a different way. Paul DePodesta insisted that Terry Collins was still his man. He wanted to hire him once and still thinks he's the best man for the job. Jeff Wilpon harkens back to a better Mets era and wants to bring in the fans' favorite, Wally Backman. Alderson himself likes the calming influence of "Vanilla" Bob Melvin (and while Joel Sherman of the NY Post hung that moniker on Melvin, the GM looks at him as more like Mint Chocolate Chip). And finally, mostly because no one else has taken him, J.P. Ricciardi has voted for Chip Hale.

During a silver level press conference, Alderson told reporters that his inclination was to give Melvin the job and ignore the other votes. But in the end he felt that the team needed a new direction and what could be newer and more innovative than having four managers? It was brought up in the press briefing that this kind of thing did not work out well when the Chicago Cubs tried it decades ago.

Alderson did say, "That was totally different. The Cubs were using coaches while the Mets will have four managers all with different areas they will take responsibility for. Kind of like Voltron!"

He then released to the press a spreadsheet that lays out precisely what part of managing each Mets manager will cover.

Alderson also stated, "You can't imagine how great these guys are in interviews. I could listen to all of them for hours. And, heck, we already did. It's just too hard to pick one and say 'You're our guy' and tell the others, 'Sorry, you lose'."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Today's story by Larry Smith & Randy Medina.  You can follow Larry Smith on twitter @dr4sight

Alderson May Let Strat-O-Matic Tournament Decide Next Mets Manager

The Apple has learned that new Mets general manager Sandy Alderson plans to add a unique task to the managerial interview process. Long an advocate of probabilities, Alderson has decided that phase 2 of his interview process will be to have each prospective manager participate in a Strat-O-Matic Baseball tournament.

Alderson explained to our reporter, "I know these manager candidates all are going to want the job so badly that they'll say just about anything - you know, blow smoke up my you-know-where." He continued, "They'll all want me to believe that they share my philosophy in how to run a team. Well, it's the offseason now and I have to know how these guys will really utilize their players. So we'll assign them each a team and we'll all have at it."

Asked whether he, Alderson, would be playing, he replied, "Sure absolutely. Frankly I can't decide whether to manage my '88 A's team which won 104 games or the '90 team that won 103. I guess it doesn't matter. I'll let Backman run the '86 Mets and we'll decide about the other guys after round 1 of the interviews. Ricciardi wants to play too but I doubt he can find even one of his Blue Jays teams that'll be able to compete."

Alderson is also going to have members of the local press corps come into the game room after each game is played. Their job will be to riddle the candidates with questions about any questionable strategies that they used. The GM hopes to find out which manager-in-waiting can handle the rigors of the NY beat writers and the constant threat of Adam Rubin coming after their job.

The logical question we posed was whether the tournament winner automatically gets the Mets manager job?

"Not necessarily", said Alderson. "If it looks like the winner got there due to 'hot dice' we would not feel obligated to award him the job. But if he has managed with careful thought and maximized his 'probabilities' then he may just be our guy."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Today's story by Larry Smith.  You can follow Larry Smith on twitter @dr4sight