Terry Collins Wins Cage Match, Will Manage Mets In 2011

Thousands of fans in attendance at the Citi Field parking lot witnessed the dawn of a new era on Sunday afternoon when Terry Collins won the Managerial Deathmatch and emerged from the Thunderdome the next manager of the New York Mets.

According to witnesses the fight turned when someone dropped a chainsaw in the cage.  Collins, being the first to reach it, was able to defeat Hale and Melvin with it.  Backman got a hold of the chainsaw momentarily but was stunned when Collins used some kind of dog whistle thing on him. Collins then got a hold of a big mallet and bashed Backman's head in.

Can this outlander put this Mets team in his magical flying machine and lead them to the promised land?  Only time will tell. 

One thing is certain though.  Tonight, Terry Collins Rules Bartertown!

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. The Apple does not endorse deathmatches of any kind.

Four Men Enter, One Man Manages: Alderson Says Mets Manager Will Be Decided In The Thunderdome

The Mets have a Gold Level Press Conference scheduled for Tuesday to announce their next manager but the decision has not been finalized.  Yesterday, Alderson announced he planned to hire all four as some kind of super-manager but Mets ownership shot him down saying that they would not pay for three extra managers.

Facing a four way tie for the job and unable to make a decision, the Mets new GM has decided to take the decision out of his hands and put it squarely in the hands of the men vying for the job.  His idea: a four way death-match at Citi Field on Sunday.

“These men have been fighting for this job since day one.”, said Alderson. “In the end, who am I to not give them the chance to literally fight for it.”

On Sunday afternoon, a steel dome or “thunderdome” will be set up in the parking lot of Citi Field.  Various weapons will be placed in the cage.  The four managerial candidates will enter and the last one standing will be given the job.

While Vegas has Backman as the odds-on favorite, fans should be careful not to count out Chip Hale.  Earlier this year, Hale was in a convenience store when an armed robber attempted to hold up the store.  The robber never walked again.

Tickets to the deathmatch will be sold on Mets.com and at 718-507-TIXX. The Mets however were pleased to announce that fans who renew their season or plan tickets by close of business on Saturday, will receive a complimentary pair of VIP tickets to the bloodbath as part the Amazin’ Mets Perks program. 

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.