Mets Anger Native American Group: Even I Thought I Made This One Up

Mets fans will have to make do with Chief Running Mouth

In what will easily be one of the hardest to top weird stories in this 2013 Mets season, the A.I.C.H. (American Indian Community House) has pulled out of Native American Heritage Day after a disagreement between the Native American organization and the team.

Apparently, when the Mets scheduled Native American Heritage Day for July 25th, they did not realized that the Atlanta Braves would be the opponent. Out of fear that the Braves may see the whole thing as some kind of protest against their brand, the Mets asked the A.I.C.H. if they could, "act less Indian-y."

Angered that the Mets were giving their activities the tomahawk chop to spare the feelings of the Braves, the A.I.C.H. decided simply to pull out of the event.

Hey Atlanta, At Least The Braves Are Now The #1 Team In Nicaragua

Made with love for my friends over at Talking Chop.  I wish I could say I didn't know what it was like to have the team you love choke away a huge September lead.  Welcome to the club.

Minaya Gets Vote Of Confidence From An Unlikely Source

At least one potential free agent is backing Omar Minaya.  On Tuesday, Braves 3rd Baseman Chipper Jones called Omar "a shining light for veterans looking for bloated contracts." 

Though under contract with Atlanta through 2012 and seriously considering retirement, the Braves slugger has not ruled out bringing his talents to Flushing in 2013. 

"If Omar is still there it is something I would deeply consider.", said Chipper.  "I have always enjoyed Queens and my kids are getting older and college isn't getting any cheaper.  One of Omar's famous 'pay you for what you did 10 years ago' contracts might be just what I need when I am in my 40's."

For the record, Chipper's children Shea Jones and Citi Field Jones both support the move.

Omar Minaya also supports the idea.  "The guy has proven that he can beat you in so many ways.", said Minaya. "We would love to have that kind of pedigree on our team.  Also, I think our world class medical staff can extend his career by 4 years.  Just like they did with Luis." 

Jeff Wilpon was reluctant to talk to us but he eventually told us, "If Omar is still here in 2013, he has my full support to sign Chipper Jones."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Paul The Octopus Says Mets Will Take NL East In Second Half

Have no fear Mets fans.  Your beloved Amazin's will win the National League East in 2010.  It has been written.  The decision came late last night from over 4,000 miles across the Atlantic when Paul the Octopus said it would be so.

In case you've been under a sports rock for the last month, we will recap.  Caught up in World Cup fever, the Sea Life Aquarium in Oberhausen, Germany decided to let their Octopus, named Paul, take a shot at predicting the outcome of the German squad's games.  Before a German game, the aquarium would lower two containers, each containing a treat, into Paul's tank.  One adorned with the German flag, the other with the opponent's flag.  The container Paul chose first would determine the outcome of the game.

Sounds harmless enough except that the cephalopod went undefeated for the whole tournament, even predicting a Spain victory in his only non-German prognostication.  The Octopus with a person's name has become a major tourist attraction during the World Cup. It only makes sense that the aquarium would want to keep this going so they decided to take a crack at American sports.

Yesterday, three containers were placed in his tank representing the three contending teams in the NL East.  Paul examined the three carefully before finally selecting the Mets as the team that will come out of the east.

When told of the prediction, Mets manager could only ask if this Paul Octopus guy was available to come out of the bullpen.  In Manuel's words, "I would take me a little longer to burn out eight arms as opposed to one.  That just might get us through the stretch run."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.