MLB Approves Perez To The DL For Different Reasons

Let's face facts, there isn't a person in NY who believed that Oliver Perez was actually injured when we heard he was going on the DL. Apparently, neither did Major League Baseball, who launched an investigation into the southpaw's "injury". The move was almost revoked by the MLB but thanks to some unexpected medical findings, the Mets were cleared to make the move.

The initial MRI was initially described by MLB inspector Ron Jones as, "One of the most obvious forgeries I have ever seen.". Jones continues, "I mean, do they think we're stupid or something? The injury is very clearly a 'water on the knee' piece from the board game Operation. If they are going to try that they should have at least used the wish bone. That thing was a beast to get out."


The bogus MRI almost landed the Mets in hot water until Jones saw a scan of Oliver's brain. "I couldn't believe it. There was nothing there. We should be seeing a brain but all we saw was some loose change and what appears to be a half-eaten burrito. How this man can even walk is amazing."

With Jones approval, the Mets are now allowed to complete the DL move and will free up a roster spot. Interestingly enough there may be more good news for the Mets as calls have been coming in from various scientific circles wishing to pay the Mets for the rights to study Perez.

After obtaining the MRI, The Apple can now confirm that there were indeed three nickles and two dimes in the lefty's head.   Tests on whether the burrito contained beans or meat were inconclusive.

So for all you critics out there who joked that Ollie had a five cent head, it looks like you were wrong. It was thirty five cents.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

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