Jose Reyes Is A Volcano Taco, Ruben Tejada is Lava Sauce & Other Things I've Learned From Ted Berg

Are you like me? Have you always wondered what item on the Taco Bell menu is most comparable to Jose Reyes?  Of course you have.  Thankfully, SNY's Ted Berg took some time to answer my question on The Baseball Show this week.  Ted solves the Reyes/Taco mystery at the 1:29 mark below:




Now I know what you're thinking, is this the beginning of an SNY/The Apple comedy team. The answer is no. SNY is still refusing to hire me. They say it's mostly because it would violate the restraining order Ted Berg filed against me.

Two Taco Bell Sauce Packet Actors Die Of Embarrassment During Mets Game

Houston Police Respond To The Scene Of Yesterday's Tragedy

Well here's one you can't blame on Omar Minaya or Jerry Manuel.  Tragedy struck last night at Minute Maid Park when two participants in Major League Baseball's dumbest promotion died last night during the Mets / Astros game.  The Houston Coroner's Office has released very few details but the apparent cause of death appears to be embarrassment. 

Billy Scott, of the Coroner's Office, spoke with us briefly.  "Usually in these cases heat stroke is to blame.", said Scott. "But we've checked the suits and they were sufficiently ventilated.  We believe it was simply the embarrassment of having to participate in this kind of nonsense."   As for the location of the collapse?  Scott has his own theory.  "I think they saw the Mets and realized that they were making fools of themselves for an organization that has a worse record than the Mets and it just became too much to take."

The Taco Bell Sauce Packet Race has come under fire lately as the stupidest ballpark promotion in the Major Leagues.  The race was long regarded as the second dumbest promotion behind the Citi Field race of Arpielle Construction Equipment but the Mets canceled that promotion last season when the Citi Field employee in charge of the race committed suicide to avoid subjecting any more fans to that farce.  

A memorial service will be held at the Taco Bell at 1817 South Shepherd Drive in Houston.  Fans who mention the tragedy at the register will receive a complimentary Cantina style taco.

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.