Mystery Solved: Mets Admit To Getting Dressed In The Dark

For years, the apparent randomness of the New York Mets' uniforms has been an issue with fans. Virtually no one who follows the team has been without opinion, and every Mets-centric message board, web site, and blog (UniWatch and MetsPolice among the most vociferous) has been swamped with voices decrying the seemingly infinite combination of caps, sleeves, and jerseys worn with no rhyme or reason.

What are called the road caps have been worn at home. What are described as “alternate” jerseys have been worn more often than “official” jerseys. Pants with blue piping have been worn with black socks. Every time a fan thinks they've discovered a pattern, say black jerseys on Friday nights, for instance, the team throws a proverbial curveball, taking the field in those same black jerseys on a Wednesday afternoon.

Finally, though, the true secret behind the madness can now be revealed. The Apple's sources deep within the Mets organization have finally, reluctantly, admitted what some fans have suspected for years: the Mets, do, in fact, get dressed in the dark.

“It's one of the many money-saving initiatives ownership has implemented in this time of their financial uncertainty,” said one source who requested anonymity. “Once the media vacates the locker room during their pre-game access, we flip out the lights to save on the electric bill.

“Ownership's feeling is that, 'Hey, you can navigate your home at night in the dark, right? Players spend 162 days in front of their lockers. It's the same deal. They know where everyting is.

“The problem, though, is sometimes even in your own house after all those years, you have to feel around for the light switch, you know. Every day guys reach in thinking they've got a blue cap, but when they get to the dugout, they find out it's the black one with the blue bill.”

Current Mets players all declined comment on the matter, but one former player from late 90s was willing to open up and confirmed the story.

“Remember all those times we wore the black sleeves and socks with the pinstripes?” the former player asked. “You think anybody would dress like that on purpose? Hell, no. [Former Mets equipment manager] Charlie [Samuels]'s people used to switch which side of the lockers which uniform sets were on without telling us, and we'd grab one thinking it was the other after we'd already put on our undershirts while the lights were still on. The first time that happened, I'm telling you, we walked out into the daylight, saw each other, and were all, 'Oh, [expletive deleted]! This is butt-ugly! It was like the whole team was being hazed or something. But by then, there just wasn't enough time to go back in and change. The really crazy thing, though, was the front office thought is was awful, too, but they told us we had to do it again on purpose a few times just so it didn't look like a mistake.”

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Story by Shawn Sparks.

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