Ballot Glitch Pushes Mets SS Reyes To Victory In NY Gubernatorial Election

New Yorkers were shocked on Monday morning to learn that Mets shortstop Jose Reyes has been elected Governor of New York State.  According to News 12, Reyes narrowly defeated Democrat Andrew Cuomo and Republican Carl Paladino to win the election despite the lack of a nomination.

So how did a Dominican baseball player rise to political power?  Experts are blaming major voting errors caused by New York’s new and overly complicated voting system.  Apparently, many voting sites received old 2010 All-Star game ballots instead of the proper ballot.  As a result, millions of New Yorkers mistakenly cast votes for ballplayers instead of politicians.  In a similar mishap, Chone Figgins is now NY State Comptroller.

While an investigation has been launched, many voters don’t seem to bothered by the prospect of Governor Reyes.  “I mean can he really be any worse than the last two guys?” said Jonathan Carey of Long Island City.  “Maybe he can liven up Albany with his dance moves.”

Reyes was at his home in Manhasset when he heard the news.  While he was surprised and doesn’t expect the results to hold up, Reyes was quick to appoint former Mets first base coach Razor Shines as his Lieutenant Governor.   

The Mets have announced that there will be an inauguration reception and pig roast at Citi Field in January following Jose’s swearing in.  Tickets are available for $200 each at mets.com. 

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.

Carl Paladino To Lead Gay Rights Protest At Tonight's Yankees/Rangers ALCS

They say politics makes for strange bedfellows and that is what will be on display tonight in the Bronx when the Yankees meet the Texas Rangers in game 3 of the ALCS.  Gubernatorial hopeful and local wackjob Carl Paladino has decided to buy out a huge chunk of the right field bleachers with the hopes of staging a gay rights demonstration.

The Yankee Stadium bleachers have come under fire recently for their homophobic rendition of the Village People's classic YMCA, which is played while the stadium grounds crew rakes the infield and murders dignity.

Paladino, meanwhile has drawn criticism for his comments about homosexuality and his staunch anti-speedo stance.  Most polls show Paladino has fallen hopelessly behind Andrew Cuomo in the race for Governor, but that hasn't stopped the Republican from trying one last ditch effort to get homosexual voters back on his side.

In addition to giving the 1,000 bleacher tickets purchased to local gay and lesbian organizations, Paladino will patrol the bleachers with his group of "ambassadors" educating the ignorant about gay rights.  Paladino seems excited about the event...or maybe he seemed desperate, it's hard to tell with politicians.

"I really want to get out there and show the people of this great state that I support equal rights for all.", Paladino told The Apple.  "It's going to be a good time.  We're going to stop them from singing that song and we'll also have men in little Speedos grinding on each other.  Dear God please vote for me."

Fans interested in joining the protest are encouraged to meet up with Paladino at a rally outside Gate 8 at 6PM.  Speedos are optional. 

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story.