Meet Marty Brown. This young inventor claims to have put an end to off-putting ads on SNY permanently. How you ask? According to Marty, he has invented a device that when attached to your TV, not only blocks the ads, but replaces them with Mike Piazza's 1997 Pert Plus commercial.
"You just plug this adapter into the HDMI slot on the back of your TV.", explains Brown. "When it recognizes one of those depressing ads, it goes into action and before you even know it Mike Piazza is running his fingers through his hair right in your living room."
So why an old Piazza commercial?
"Science has actually proven that Mike Piazza's hair has a calming, soothing quality that cannot be explained.", said Brown. NASA gives astronauts a lock of his hair to take into space to help counteract the effects of space madness. In fact, many scientists believe his hair played a big role in helping New Yorkers heal after the attacks of 9-11. Just having it around made people feel like everything was going to be OK."
But what about people who say the public needs to see this?
"People probably do need to see things like this.", says Brown. "But do they need to see it 10 times during a ball game? And what about non-smokers? I'm simply giving people an option."
According to Brown, this is just the beginning. He eventually hopes his device will be able to convert any commercial starring Derek Jeter into that Darryl Strawberry milk commercial from the 80's. He's also working on an attachment for your radio that turns the Kars 4 Kids jingle into soothing rainforest sounds.
All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Follow me on Twitter @readtheapple. Thanks to Tyler Moore for letting me use his pic.
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