Monday, October 17, 2011

SNY Renews Kevin Burkhardt But Cancels The Mets

It is October, a time when TV networks realize that their brilliant ideas of just a few months ago have turned into shows that nobody really cares about.  Ask the folks at "The Playboy Club" and Hank Azaria's amigos at "Free Agents".  They have been pink slipped already. (Wait, is that a pun regarding the Playboy show?)

The Apple has learned that due to failing ratings during the 2011 baseball season, sports network SNY has decided to discontinue carrying games in the upcoming 2012 season.

To get more insight into this surprising development we spoke to Todd Schoonmaker, executive vice-president of SNY in charge of programming.  When we spoke to him Schoonmaker looked drawn and haggard befitting someone who now has to find about 5000 new hours of programming for next year.  Let's not forget that Mets games are replayed several times each day which only serves to double or triple one's displeasure.

Schoonmaker: "These are tough times in all industries and the TV business now, more than ever, relies on delivering numbers.  The Mets just are not bringing enough eyes to the box.  So they're out - simple as that."

We asked how the network would fill all those hours.  The veep did have an answer.

Schoonmaker: "While the Mets games themselves haven't drawn fans it seems that New Yorkers can't get enough of Bob Ojeda and Chris Carlin.  So we plan to continue their pre- and post- game shows.  Then for the three or so hours while the Mets are playing their games we plan to run old sitcoms and the like.  We'll be airing the Dick Van Dyke Show once TVLand stops playing it continuously.  We've purchased the first two seasons of ALF, the entire run of the original AMERICAN GLADIATORS, I LOVE LUCY, post-shark jump HAPPY DAYS and shows featuring Carroll O'Connor as Archie Bunker. (Note - we later learned that SNY won't be running ALL IN THE FAMILY but rather the far less popular sequel, ARCHIE'S PLACE)

So, is that the entire plan?

Schoonmaker: "Keep in mind that we still have the matinee idol Kevin Burkhardt under contract.  In order to highlight his talents we plan to fit him with a smoking jacket.  Sort of like Robert Osborne on Turner Movies we'll have Kevin come out and discuss the upcoming episode that will be aired.  He's already taped his intro to Lucy's grape-stomping episode.  We think it's going to go over great.

But look, if the Mets turn things around in the next year or two we're definitely open to bringing them back into the fold.  There really is only so much 'classic' TV available to run. If all else fails, we've got like six hours of new disgusting and off-putting anti-smoking PSA's we can run."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Story by Larry Smith.  You can follow Larry Smith on twitter @dr4sight   

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